Last night, I was not able to sleep. So, I decided to play some chess. I played like four-games, and won first three. But for the last one, I made a blunder. And here I thought I was playing to relax a bit, to divertt my mind from insomniac condition. Silly me, lol!
And that made me think a lot. Like how I was treating my mistake as something big. And knowing myself I know I will repeat the same mistake again, once I get rid of this one. Moreover, just how my mind - actually I - decided to stick with the blunder; rather than be happy for three consecutive wins. Funny how mind games work!
And we deal with life the same way.
Okay I am generalizing here, and maybe I am so so wrong, but nothing to kill. We can have a hundred things going right: waking up, being able to walk, food, shelter etc; yet one thing going wrong is enough to ruin our entire day. Even we hold grudge against the Lord. And LOVE the epitome of all the worldly feelings work this way. Once we are together, it is all good. Once the opposite, it aches. But I believe the heartbreaks are necessary, otherwise lots of talent - the poetry, the literature - would have remained hidden.
Anyways the point here is to live. Yes, we all make mistakes, and this thing makes us human being. And perfection? Well, it is nothing but a foolishness.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live."
Do not worry, I am not talking about that blunder anymore. Here, I am talking about guilt. Because this thing really sucks. And I wonder, is there anyone without an exception for it. Even the narcissist will havve something to feel it, to feel remorse.
Maybe guilt is the price we pay for becoming aware of ourselves. And the strange thing is that: we often judge our past selves using the very wisdom we gained from their mistakes. Woooo! It feels like I have said something big. We expect our younger selves, less experienced one, to have known what we know today. We usually forget that some lessons only make sense after have faced some consequences. Best example I can think of right now is, learning to drive a car. There was a time, when shifting a gear felt like a rocket science. Then comes a time, when it all becomes a muscle memory. And, we human usually call it - experience. Such a beautiful word, isn't it? Actually more than a word. It is an emotion in itself.
Is there any lesson?
Well, I do not know. Actually, I was thinking of writing something meaningful, and now, I do not even know what have I said. I just dodged one thought and moved to another one.
Anyways, in the end, lesson is there. Just get a hold of it. Think about "YOUR" mistake, and do not let guilt ruin you. Learn from the lesson, feel guilty for sometime, then move on and repeat the cycle bit differently. Do not let the inside die, before death tears us apart.
One irony that I read somewhere: if I had the mindset I have today, I probably wouldn't gave committed some of the mistakes I made in the past. Yet, if I hadn't made those mistakes, would I have developed this mindset in the first place?
Open to your interpretation!
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Peace 馃晩
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