In the shadows of the lonely highway, I saw the memoirs of my life – my dreams, the people I love, the golden moments and everything in between. I sighed as I lost the sight of my mother who was bidding her goodbye to me.
“I am finally living my dream. I’m finally making a life of my own.” With all the courage, I tried to conceal the fear and doubts in me. For a moment, I asked myself of what path should I really take. The road is way too long and the end of it scares the hell out me.
“What if I fail?” said my inner turmoil. I then shook my head as I tried to erase all the anxiousness in my veins. I have to keep my senses. It was a lovely mixture of now or never. I’ve been longing for this for quite some time and there’s definitely no taking back.
Leaving home was something I really wished to do since can’t remember when. I knew I am so much more than what other people think of me. I have better things to offer and I am so much more capable than the standards they are giving me.
The three-hour ride was deafening. It was calm and silent. Beeps from cars were only heard plus the mellow music from the radio. Thoughts were seriously running in my head. A crumple in my heart tensed me up a little bit more. From the moment I stepped into this journey, I knew that I’d be leaving home; I’d be leaping out of my comfort zone – away from my loved ones, away from the usual routes I take to go home, away from friends, away from the clichés that life has been offering me since 1993.
It was pretty unusual for me to do things alone. But this was what I wanted. I can’t lose this fight.
I stepped out of the bus. I saw busy people on the busy streets. It felt strange knowing that I am on a distant place. This choice was a gamble of luck.
I had to ask for directions. Some people would help, others would not. They’d refuse to teach you what to do because that’s how cruel life is. We live in a world where instead of imploring aids to one another, we tend to compete with each other. It was awful for me. I learned how life beats you up until you’re weak. I was an alien to this fast-paced city. I was a perfect epitome of a boy from the province who invaded the concrete jungle.
Nine in the evening and it was starting to rain. I was getting soaked. The shoes that I’ve been extra-diligent on were covered with mud splashes. Jeepneys are loaded; taxis won’t let me in because my destination was farther than their usual route. I started to get pissed. My stomach was starting to grumble. I looked at my purse and I’ve got about 4 bucks left. I had to endure the hunger. I sat on one of the benches as I tried to calm my head. All I wanted was to get myself some sleep after a long day. I felt a gentle tap. It was like a wakeup call to me that when the world’s against you, it’s the perfect time to actually humble yourself and give extra patience. I stood up and waited.
Luckily I found my way to my new home. It wasn’t as comfortable as I hoped it to be but it was better than living on the cold streets. I stared at the ceiling and realized how I miss home. Missing home was an instant learning to me that to be better, I got to miss a bit of my safe haven.
I always ask myself why I wanted this. It remained to be a puzzle until I realize that I am being lead to a greater sight – and that is to find the real purpose of my existence. I may have not known it yet but as I lived on my own, I have developed a good habit and that is to keep daily records of good things about life.
Little experiences like these give me valuable lessons. Everyday encounters are life’s way of reminding us to make ourselves better.
Funny may it seem but it’s a standard operating procedure that when life gives you lemons, you gotta make lemonade. Growing up and sailing my own ship are truly nerve wrecking but calm seas won’t make me a skilled sailor.
I hope that whenever anxieties, sadness, doubts, problems and hate enter our lives, we’ll learn to convert them into something that would make us better persons.
Leaving home, making a life on my own… I will surely back to where I belong when I’m already a better person than I was when I left.
