Ok, so looking back at my last post and proclaiming that I'm a writer, I'd better take a look at who my editor is. Oh wait, that's me, shit. While I am trying not to be too critical of myself if I want to keep readers and even add a few more I'd better learn to look over my material and correct some of the small mistakes. Now punctuation will never be 100% correct, but in a blog who really cares as long as my point gets across. So, that being said a new habit to start is throughly looking over my work! Lesson learned.
As for my system of new habits I've put into place, while on vacation I've still jogged 3 times and continued my push up and squat routine of 100 every day and as I near into month two of this system I can only improve, so we'll move that up to 150. My journalling has been done everyday and if I miss I do two entries the next. I read a chapter at least everyday and lately it's been an hour a day or more. Currently reading a novel from Canadian explorer Adam Shoalts "The Whisper On The Night Wind." I've read all three of his other novels and if you like Canadian adventure and exploration, these are your type of novels
Now you may ask yourself, "what does all this system and habits business have to do with a cancer blog?" Well, for the first year or so I found myself inspired to do new things, try something different. But after I did and was finished, there seemed to be a sense of empty and I really don't know how to explain it. Even though I was stepping out of my comfort zone, when I was done nothing changed. I was still a Stage IV cancer patient and would spend days just wondering what to do next instead of getting the most out of each day, which is still a struggle. Some days I just don't have it in me and I'm exhausted and for someone who's never really felt like this before it's extremely hard to accept. Through taking a coarse on CBT, I'm starting to learn it's ok to feel this way and for the most part I'm fortunate compared with others in my shoes, as most days I do feel physically well. Don't get me wrong, there are days I can spend in bed, but there I can read, write and meditate. Yes, to all my friends out there, I've tried to mediate now. Once again, old Steve would've laughed at that, I'm starting to think he was a chump...lol.
Sitting here in Florida, out on the enclosed balcony, it's softly raining and the smell of the slightly humid air brings a smile to my face, I'm smiling and happy here, so far it's been a nice getaway and even the thought of leaving soon doesn't bother me. I'll be back....hopefully as early as late January, our Timeshare owes us weeks because of Covid and we have to use them up. I tried to slow down here, meaning take in the moments, instead of just getting through the day. An example would be, taking mental pictures and filling them in my mind for storage for when I'm no longer able to travel and see the sites and experience life. Like when I walk over the bridge in Universal, my favourite them park, and stop, just for a second and capture that image of the sun setting to the west and the lights coming on bringing the whole park to life, it's stunning. or watching Tracy enjoy the light show on Hogwarts Castle, her smile at that moment, when she doesn't think I'm watching is stored away for safe keeping...it's beautiful. That's what it's all about...memories, stored and locked away, always available to travel whether this life or the next.
So many of my memories are there in my head, but blurred. The blur caused by the weight of everyday life as it used to be, money, house, repairs, work..work..work. I spent way too much of my old life worrying about things that honestly don't matter. I wish I spent more time taking those mental pictures.
Now Cancer has caused me to shift and think this way and to adopt a new lifestyle, I only wish I'd started to live like this earlier. So my advice to you, my reader, is don't wait for something life altering to force change. Do it yourself, do those things you've dreamed of, take those mental pictures and don't rush! Start your own system of good habits, start small....
Life, just like my vacation here goes by way to fast. I'm far from perfect, but I'm learning....come learn with me....all we need is some will-power and determination.
If your life is weighting you down, stop, take a breath and think what do I need to make me and the ones I love happy. Small things and memories, along with camping, are what makes me happy. Why did I ever need so much? Why do you? I can't take it with me when I'm gone....can you???
Thank you again to my readers, I feel so alive when I think I put something meaningful out there. If you think I did please Comment, Like and Subscribe. I really do want to hear what you think, good or bad, it will only make me a better, yes, writer. Cheers and Much Love.
