Looking back I realized that I let myself succumb and give in to the burdens life put on my young shoulders forgetting that I am actually strong enough to bear those burdens and move forward in life as well.
I didn't see myself in a good light and it affected me, unfortunately. I didn't appreciate the little wins and the little steps I took because I thought that it must be the size of a mountain before I took a moment to appreciate myself and the things around me.
As life would have it, the gigantic success I was waiting for that'd be the reason for me appreciating all that I've already got, didn't come to me easily and it weighed on me greatly.
I think it's safe to say that I was somewhat in a semi dark place at the time. I was blind to the wonderful things around me even when it was staring at me in the face, I just couldn't see and simply appreciate.
I was always worrying about the extra. Putting in extra effort in my studies even though my results are actually great but I didn't see it that way and I always felt I had to do more.
Putting extra work in writing because I felt like I was neglecting this particular gift of mine making me feel somewhat stuck and dormant, never moving forward. In actuality, I didn't neglect writing and I was never stuck in one place and I have actually come a very long way but I never took the time to sit and reflect last year and so I wasn't always particularly happy.
This behavior reflected in my social life and being someone who really doesn't like to interact with people, I withdrew further and was slowly distancing myself from everyone, family included.
I was worried that it would be noticed that I wasn't doing enough. In retrospect, I was doing more than enough.
My family members noticed that I wasn't my usual self and advised that I talk to someone about it and I did.
My first session with my therapist was like an awakening moment for me though the actual awakening didn't happen immediately, it was a gradual process but pouring my heart out to someone that would listen to me without judgement was liberating.
I was skeptical about opening up to my family about how I felt for the fear of being called a perfectionist and that was why I kept everything bottled up.
I was made to see and understand that nothing was actually wrong with me and that I was going through a perfectly normal phase in life which I let overwhelm me and as a result it prevented me from seeing the good in me and the good around me.
I was made to understand that it's actually okay to feel sad whenever things don't go as planned but it's not okay to let that sadness overwhelm me.
I got to understand that taking things at a more comfortable pace is okay and that there's no need to rush things even when things get rocky. Waiting out the storm is really great especially when said storm is way out of control.
The secret to happiness is a grateful heart and an appreciative soul.
Whenever I hit a bump in this road called Life, I take a moment to reflect and appreciate all the good things that has happened to me. All that I have been able to achieve inspite of similar bumps in the past.
Also, when I am stressed out mentally, I wonder about things that amaze me like the universe which is always in perfect sync.
Or how beautiful a lightning bolt is as I watch it strike across the sky and I wonder if there's enough electricity in one lightning bolt strong enough to power a whole country.
I don't have enough knowledge on that but it's fun to wonder.
:)
As I wonder and marvel, I feel relaxed and inspired and stronger than ever, ready to overtake the next bump in the road.
