Human beings seem compelled to put their focus on the end result.
How much of what we do comes out of the pure joy of doing it?
Being attached to outcomes comes with a high cost.
The other day, I was speaking with a friend of mine and he was telling me how every time he motivates himself to start exercising again, it never takes long before he gives up altogether on this endeavor as he tells himself that it’ll take too long before he starts noticing a difference. That’s precisely where we cut ourselves short. The more our focus rests on what’s external to us, the harder it will be to find the strength to keep on going when things don’t go as planned.
Romantic relationships are an interesting example to examine in light of this tendency of ours to lay our attention on the reward. According to different people, there can be a myriad of different rewards that come out of being in a romantic relationship. If there were nothing "positive" to gain out of being in one, no one would dive into the complex territory of committed partnerships to begin with.
That’s what’s the most interesting part to me: the fact that on their own, romantic relationships aren’t intrinsically pleasurable per say. It is what you add into them that makes them so. Yet again, we rely here on some form of hope based on the fragile foundation of expectations. Like a Jenga tower, if you take away one of the "wrong" piece, the whole thing crumbles. In other words, it is risky business to solely depend on the external benefits that come with the relationship package we signed ourselves up for.
This way of operating is fucking us up real good. First of all, because we are giving our power away in the hands of whatever holds it, whether that’d be faith, expectations, our paycheck, our spouse, etc. Consequently, if life doesn’t match up with the narratives in our mind of how we’d like it to unfold, we become disappointed, sad, angry, decide to give up, you name it.
Yet it’s silly because it does not have to be this way. We inadvertently sabotage ourselves by being attached to things we do not have full control over.
If your job didn’t provide you with a paycheck, would you still do it?
If you knew that your current romantic relationship was not going to last "forever", would you still choose to stay in it?
If you knew that sitting on multi millions of dollars was not going to change how you feel internally, would you still pursue your quest to the riches?
As a retired ballet dancer which I’ve been for 13 years of my life, I wouldn’t dance anticipating the end of the dance. I would dance, enjoying each step as they’d come, not overly focused on the next one ahead. It’s the process that matters. The growth that can happen throughout each of the endeavors we choose to venture into. The reward is in you. Don’t ever look outside to find it.
Truth be told (lol.... jks...or not:P)
