Episode 2
Scene 1
At sunrise, Paul has the idea to sneak away from his group and go to the other side of the island in search of Sparky and Ignatius. He is tip-toeing through some shrubs when Cindy yells at him from behind.
Cindy: Hey! Where are you going, little man?!
Paul: Just going to get some coconut for breakfast……
Cindy (skeptical): Why are you tip-toeing?
Paul: To build my calf muscles……
Cindy: Well….ok, but be back in an hour. We’re gonna start your schooling today!
Paul (feigning glee): I’m so excited!
Cindy: If you’re late, we’re going to form a search party for you.
Paul (cringing): Super!
As soon as Cindy turns around, Paul sprints away. After an hour, Paul finds a waterfall, takes a drink, and keeps running. In another hour, he stumbles upon the camp of Sparky and Ignatius.
Paul (out of breath, waving arms frantically): Hey guys!
Sparky and Ignatius share a surprised glance.
Sparky: Hey, is that you, Paul?
Paul: The only one on the island, as far as I know.
Ignatius: Want some breakfast?
Paul approaches their campfire and happily grubs.
Paul: Mmmm, what is this?
Sparky: Crispy lizard.
Paul (sarcastic): My favorite.
Ignatius: How are things back with the others?
Paul: You think I’d sprint all this way if everything was prime?
Sparky: Good point.
Paul: I don’t have much time. That psychopath Cindy said if I wasn’t back in an hour, they’d send out a search party for me!
Ignatius: That’s bad.
Paul: But on my way here, I found a waterfall!
Sparky: That’s good! Can you show us?
Paul: Yeah, of course, but what if we run into the others?
Ignatius: Good question.
Sparky: Awww, those guys are lazy. Your dad will come looking for ya, and that’s about it.
Ignatius: Yeah, you’re right, Sparky. They’ll probably form committees and take votes for a couple hours before they do anything, anyway.
An hour later they arrive at the waterfall. They gulp the fresh aqua down with zeal.
Sparky: Sweet, we don’t have to worry about water anymore!
Ignatius: We might if those idiots find it…..
Sparky: We won’t worry about that just yet. So what are you gonna do, Paul?
Paul: I’d rather stay with you guys, but my dad will go nuts and they’ll eventually find me.
Ignatius: And us.
Paul: Right.
Sparky: We can’t just ask him to go back there. He might starve!
Paul: I’ll be fine. I gotta go back, today at least. I’ll come back as often as I can.
Ignatius: Are you gonna tell them about the waterfall?
Paul: Hmmm, not at first. I’ll see if I can find something closer to their camp first.
Sparky: Ok, good luck, Paul. If we find another water source, we’ll let you know.
Ignatius: And stop by anytime you want some roasted critters.
Paul: Thanks guys.
Scene 2
Back at the statist camp, after sleeping in a couple hours, most people have risen and have been alerted to Paul’s situation by Cindy. They start to gather on the beach.
Cindy: He left hours ago! We have to do something!
Skip (fretting): He could have been eaten by a wild animal by now!
Merv (yawning, stretching): Man, I’m thirsty! Somebody get me some water!
Shirley: We don’t have any fresh water yet, Mister President.
Merv: Shit, that’s a problem.
Bob: We could go out and look for water and Paul at the same time.
Merv: Ya’ll form search parties and look for water and Paul at the same time.
Ann: That’s a great idea, Mister President!
Cindy: Ok, let’s form emergency search and rescue committee op teams.
Skip: That’s an unnecessarily large amount of words.
Cindy: Are you criticizing your government superiors!?
Merv: Yeah, Skip, lay off, or I’ll sic the head of national security on ya. Ain’t that right, Cal?
Cal is off to the side, crouched into the sand, etching something on a seashell.
Merv: Cal, what are you doing?
Cal holds up seashell proudly.
Cal: Making this into a badge!
Merv: Damn, Cal, that’s good thinkin.
Penny: Can you make me a tax collector badge, Cal?
Skip (impatient): I’m just gonna go. We’re wasting time!
Cindy: That hasn’t been approved yet, Skip.
Skip sighs and grimaces.
Merv: I approve. Cal, you go with him.
Cal: Yes, sir.
Merv: On second thought, stay here with me and make sure no wild animals attack me.
Cal: Yes, sir.
Merv: Penny, as tax collector, I think you should stay here and dream up ways to ration the water once they find it.
Shirley: Bob and I can look for water. Ann, you wanna go with Skip?
Merv: Bob, you go with Shirley. That’s an order. Ann, you go with Skip, that’s an order.
Shirley: Thanks, mister president.
Cindy: I’ll go help look for the boy. He’s my only school student, after all.
Merv: Cindy, you stay here and keep el presidente company.
Cindy: Ok, if you insist. It’s too hot to be running around this island anyway.
All of the “non-government people” start trekking.
Merv: Damn, I did it again! One hundred percent employment!
Five minutes later, Paul appears near the “government campsite”.
Penny (fanning her nails, eyes Paul on the horizon): Paul!
Merv: Hey boy! We just sent out a rescue op to find ya! What happened? It’s your first day of school, ya know.
Paul grimaces and walks closer.
Paul: Guess I got lost….silly me.
Merv: Don’t just go running off by yourself like that. You’re just a helpless kid. To teach you a lesson, there has got to be a punishment. Go get me some coconuts.
Cindy: He doesn’t have time. It’s not too late to start class!
Merv: He’ll learn something by getting coconuts. Consider it a science project or something.
Paul: Get your own coconuts, ya lazy waste of skin.
Merv: Boy, don’t make me get Cal after ya!
Paul knows that Cal’s middle-aged, fat ass can never catch him, but he decides to agree just to get out of the conversation.
Paul: Ok, I’ll go off by myself and look for coconuts.
Merv: That’s right boy.
Paul wanders off in search of coconuts, thinking to himself….
Paul: Man, this sucks. What if those guys find the waterfall? Or even worse, they find Ignatius and Sparky?
Meanwhile, as they meander aimlessly through the forest, Skip has a giant spider jump on his back. The spider bites him, jumps off, and runs away. Ann and Skip both scream.
Skip: What the hell what that?!
Ann: A giant spider just bit you!
Skip passes out and Ann continues to scream.
In another part of the forest, Bob and Shirley come across a puny stream of fresh water and some bushes of berries. They run to their newfound treasure and gobble and gulp delightedly.
Shirley: Wanna go back and tell the others?
Bob: Not really. We’ll wait until later.
Shirley: Sounds good to me.
They both look at each other awkwardly.
Shirley: So this is kind of boring.
Bob: Sure is. Ya know what’s good for boredom?
Shirley: What’s that?
Bob: Sex.
End episode 2
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