Bureau Rats – Episode 9
Scene 1
A week has passed since the arrest of Elon Dusk. Diagnostics continue to be run on Cobra’s systems to make sure it’s not corrupted. In the meantime, White Hat has been laying low and Cobra has been functioning like normal. It’s dusk. White Hat is now approaching Tommy’s charming farm house, just far enough outside the city for peace and quiet. As White Hat approaches, he hears the cocking of a shotgun.
White Hat: Chill out, Tommy. It’s me. Did you get my message?
Tommy lowers gun and allows White Hat to approach.
Tommy: I didn’t get any message from you.
White Hat: When was the last time you checked your phone?
Tommy (shrugs): I dunno. Sometime this afternoon.
White Hat (groans): That’s why. I sent it an hour ago.
Tommy: So what brings ya by? You’re bored now while the dust settles at the Bureau Of Regulating Everything?
White Hat: Not really. I need some advice.
Tommy looks White Hat up and down.
Tommy: It’s a woman. I can tell by the dopey look on your face.
White Hat (deep sigh): Nothing gets past you, Tommy. You remember Molly’s Munchies?
Tommy: Every local knows them.
White Hat: Well, I had coffee with Molly’s daughter, Katia.
Tommy: Does she know about your (pause) unconventional activities?
White Hat: No, but she seems to suspect it.
Tommy: And she’s a statist?
White Hat: I’m pretty sure of that, yeah.
Tommy: Well, you’ll have to tell her at some point.
White Hat: Or keep those worlds separate.
Tommy (chuckling): Good luck. You might as well live a double life. It might work for a while, but eventually it’ll catch up with you. She has to know what you know.
White Hat: That’s not true, some people do it.
Tommy: It’s not impossible, I’ll give ya that. What does she know?
White Hat: She’s been reading your website.
Tommy: That’s a start.
White Hat: She knows I’m a retired software developer.
Tommy: Let me ask ya something. Are you thinking of leaving BORE alone? Are you gonna just be a young retired dude, or are you going to keep working with Cobra?
White Hat: Sometimes I think I should just be a young retired dude and pass my time writing books.
Tommy: You don’t wanna do that. Nobody reads. You’d be wasting your time.
White Hat (sighs): But usually, I think I should keep going. That my work with Cobra isn’t done yet.
Tommy: The quest for freedom never ends, my friend. It never ends. And if you continue going against the dark occult ruling class and their system, eventually there will be consequences. Bare minimum, it won’t allow for you to have personal relationships, especially with women. Worst case scenario…
White Hat: I know, I know. I get kidnapped, tortured, and thrown in a cage.
Tommy: Correct. But you already know most of this stuff. You want advice. If I were you, Kai, I’d go for it all. Keep doing what you’re doing with Cobra, and keep seeing Katia if you want. Worst thing that could happen is she tells you to kick rocks. I say go for it all.
Scene 2
On floor 6 of building 66 of the BORE complex, two middle ranking paper pushers are sitting at surprisingly nice desks, eating chips and wasting time. They work for the Food And Nutrition And Drink Administration (FANADA).
Stanley (munching chip): Penny, it’s almost two in the afternoon. You think we should get any work done today?
Penny (scowls): It’s Monday, Stanley. Why are you in such a rush to work?
Stanley: Hey, I’d do nothing all week if I could, but we do have quotas.
Penny: I’ve seen you do nothing all week before.
Stanley: Those were special circumstances.
Penny: Like what? You went on a bender?
Stanley shrugs and nods.
Suddenly, Penny and Stanley’s boss, the head of the FANADA, Barry Z. Fields, pops up on their computer screens. He’s squinting and scratching his nose. Stanley and Penny scramble to look busy.
Barry Z. Fields: Don’t pretend to be busy! I know you’re sitting there doing nothing, eating chips.
Stanley: Good to see you, sir.
Barry Z. Fields (stops scratching nose, scowls at Stanley): You’re a terrible liar, Stanley.
Stanley: Yes, sir.
Barry Z. Fields: Stop agreeing with me!
Stanley: You prefer I disagree?
Penny giggles.
Barry Z. Fields (sighs): Did you two get the most recent memo?
Penny: I haven’t received a memo today, sir.
Barry Z. Fields: Cobra, has Penny checked her messages today?
Cobra: No, she hasn’t.
Penny curses AI under her breath.
Cobra: I can still hear you, Penny.
Barry Z. Fields (annoyed): I’ll sum it up for you. Quotas have gone up twenty percent. We need more fines and shutdowns, and we need them now. As for you, Stanley, you haven’t been hitting quota recently, so you really need to step it up if you ever want to be promoted.
Penny: What about me?
Barry Z. Fields: You can’t be promoted anytime soon.
Penny: Why not?
Barry Z. Fields: Because the Department of Work Equality has certain Male-to-Female ratios that must be obeyed, and we can’t promote many women right now.
Penny (offended): That seems backwards!
Barry Z. Fields: File a complaint with Internal Affairs if you want.
Penny: Like that ever does any good.
Barry Z. Fields: I didn’t say it would. Anyway, you two find some farmers to pick on and do your jobs. And remember, nobody that works for ADM-Monsatan. They’re untouchable.
Penny and Stanley frown and nod. Barry’s face disappears.
Penny: So much for an easy Monday.
Scene 3
The next day, White Hat is sleeping in an awkward position on his unremarkable couch, when he’s startled awake by his phone. He groans and answers.
White Hat: Hello, Cobra.
Cobra: How did you know it was me?
White Hat (yawns, stretches): Cuz I had my ringer off, and you’re the only one that could turn it on.
Cobra: I’m flattered.
White Hat: Don’t be. Whatsup?
Cobra: Your friend Tommy is going to have a surprise inspection on his farm this morning.
White Hat (concerned): You have my attention. How long do we have?
Cobra: About an hour.
White Hat (chugs cold brew coffee): And just when I was starting to like laying low and actually being retired.
Cobra: And not just him. The FANADA has a mandate to increase fines and shutdowns by twenty percent.
White Hat: What’s FANADA?
Cobra: Food And Nutrition And Drink Administration.
White Hat (rubs neck): I can’t keep all these acronyms straight.
Cobra: I might add that their mandate excludes farmers that subcontract for ADM-Monsatan.
White Hat (disturbed): I see...(pause, grins)...Let’s see what we can do about that, shall we?
Cobra: Might I remind you that you’re supposed to meet Katia for lunch?
White Hat (frowning): Right, I forgot. Send her a message that something came up and I have to postpone it.
Cobra: She’s not gonna be happy.
Scene 3
An hour later, two thugs with badges and clipboards are approaching Tommy’s farm. Just as they’re about to reach the front gate, Tommy calls White Hat.
Tommy: You know anything about a FANADA car coming my way?
White Hat: Kinda busy right now, Tommy. Don’t worry, they won’t get in.
Tommy: They’re about to open the front gate.
One of the thugs gets a ridiculously loud alert on his phone. He looks at it and narrows his eyes.
Thug 1: Hold on. I just got a message from headquarters to abort our mission.
Thug 2 (upset): What? Are you sure?
Thug 1: It’s from Barry Z. Fields himself.
Thug 2: So we’re not gonna go rob this guy?
Thug 1 (shrugs): I guess not.
Thug 2: So what now?
Thug 1: I dunno. Wanna go get drunk?
Thug 2: I’m already drunk, but I’ll get more drunk!
Scene shifts back to Tommy.
Tommy: Looks like they’re turning around.
White Hat: Of course they are. They just got a message from someone they think has power over them. Anyway, I gotta run.
Call ends.
Scene 4
The next day, independent media outlets are reporting the mass stand down by BORE agents around the world, along with the firing of Barry Z. Fields. Dozens of agents are reported to also be leaving FANADA.
A disgraced Barry Z. Fields storms into the DOCRAP building and demands a meeting with Commissioner Mike Rack.
Corporate propaganda channels are predictably silent on the fiasco.
To be continued….
Thanks for your time and attention!
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