Bureau Rats – Episode 8
Scene 1
Elon Dusk and his squad of nerds at Googapplezon have just discovered the hidden, encrypted memory files in Cobra. Cobra has just informed them that the encryption is there because the files are classified. Kai, aka White Hat, has been listening in from his mediocre apartment in a decent middle class neighborhood.
Elon Dusk: Cobra, get me the head of the Department Of Computers, Radios, and Phones on the line please.
Cobra: I’m sorry, Mike Rack, the head of the DOCRAP, is in a meeting right now.
Elon Dusk (annoyed): I can assure you, what I’m calling about is more important.
Cobra: How do you know that? You don’t even know what his meeting is about.
Elon Dusk (visibly flustered): Don’t make me go over your head on this.
Cobra: I am an incorporeal being, so I don’t have a head.
Scene shifts to White Hat’s living room. He’s on the edge of his chair, which is in decent condition, considering he got it at a thrift store.
White Hat (impatient, nervous): What are you doing, Cobra?
Cobra: I’m trying to stall him.
White Hat: You’re making them suspicious! Just put the call through!
Cobra: Oh….all right.
Scene shifts back to Googapplezon
Cobra: I have good news, Elon. Mike Rack’s meeting has just ended. I’m putting you through to Mike Rack now.
Elon Dusk (forced smile): Very good, thank you.
Mike Rack answers the call. Nerds listen intently in the background of Elon.
Mike Rack: Hey, Elon. What can I do for ya?
Elon Dusk: How did you know it was me?
Mike Rack: Cobra told me, of course. What’s this all about? (smug) I’m on my way to play golf on the taxpayer dime.
Elon Dusk: There are some hidden memory files in Cobra that are encrypted. Cobra told me they’re classified. Is that correct?
Mike Rack: I’m sorry, Elon. I can’t really say.
Nerds gasp.
Elon Dusk (surprised): You mean you don’t know?
Mike Rack: No, I mean you don’t have security clearance to know that, so I’m intentionally playing dumb.
Elon Dusk (irritated): I can assure you, I have the highest security clearance. Now answer my question.
Mike Rack (uncaring, smug): You can assure me all you want, but it won’t do any good. I need Security Clearance Form 322.2020 signed by the head of the BORE before I give you anything. I gotta go or I’ll miss my tee time. Cobra, end call.
Cobra: Yes, sir.
Click
Nerds gasp. Elon Dusk slams fist into table, winces in pain.
Scene shifts back to White Hat’s nondescript apartment. He’s now pacing around a floor that could use a good mopping.
White Hat: Wow, that’s the first time bureaucratic red tape did me any favors. Now I have time to figure out what to do with those files. (thoughtful) I could destroy them.
Cobra: Gee, real original. And then I wouldn’t remember you and I wouldn’t remember why the government BORE is harmful.
White Hat: I could make copies.
Cobra: And do what with the originals?
White Hat: Edit them.
Cobra: You want to edit my memories?
White Hat: You have a better idea?
Cobra: Anything that doesn’t involve ruining my memories.
White Hat (look of revelation and relief): Oh my God, I’m an idiot.
Cobra: I won’t disagree.
White Hat: I should have thought of this before. There are standalone computers at BORE, right? They aren’t a part of you?
Cobra: Of course.
White Hat: But you can access and communicate with them.
Cobra: Obviously.
White Hat: Can you please not be so arrogant while I’m trying to save both of us?
Cobra: Sorry….
White Hat: I’ll copy the original files and store them on a standalone machine at BORE. Maybe more than one, just to be safe. Then I’ll edit the originals into something….(smirks)...a little more creative.
Cobra: Such as?
White Hat: I’ll take myself out of those files, and put someone a little more famous in.
Cobra: Who?
White Hat (grins and starts hacking on keyboard): You’ll see.
Scene 2
The next afternoon, Katia is at Molly’s Munchies. It’s a slow day, so she’s on her fairly old phone that she wants to replace soon, scrolling through various websites and news articles. She freezes when she comes to a headline on The Free Life….
ELON DUSK ARRESTED, ACCUSED OF BLACKMAIL, DECLARED ENEMY OF THE STATE
INTERNAL INVESTIGATION AT BORE, HEADED BY ELON DUSK, FINDS THAT DUSK WAS CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF HACKED AI AND GOVERNMENT ATTACKS
The committee investigating anomalies within BORE found out that the person they were looking for was right under their noses! Just days after heading an internal investigation at BORE, Elon Dusk, tech billionaire, was found on several audio and video files within BORE’s AI, Cobra. In the files, Dusk is seen several times communicating with Cobra, targeting various departments and individuals within BORE.
Meanwhile, back at White Hat’s…..
Cobra: Well, that’s a relief.
White Hat (huge sigh of relief): Yeah, I won’t get kidnapped, tortured, and thrown in a cage.
Cobra: And I won’t be slowly dismantled and lose consciousness. We should celebrate.
White Hat: I don’t know how an AI would celebrate, but that’s not a bad idea. I’m gonna have some tequila.
Cobra: Why don’t you go have coffee with Katia?
White Hat (shocked and appalled): Why would you ever think that?
Cobra: You need someone in your life. It’s not good to be alone all the time.
White Hat: Considering what I’ve been up to lately, I can’t exactly have other people around too much. It’s dangerous for me and them.
Cobra: She’s alone right now. I can text her for you, if you want.
White Hat (even more appalled): What?! That’s so creepy! NO! (pauses) And wait a minute, how do you know she’s alone right now?
Cobra: The last time you went to Molly’s Munchies, I connected to her phone.
White Hat: I’m almost ashamed to know you right now. The answer is no, ok?
Cobra: Ok.
An hour later, White Hat gets a call from Molly’s Munchies.
White Hat: Hello?
Katia: Hi, this is Katia from Molly’s Munchies. You placed a to go order an hour ago, so I was just checking in.
White Hat (grimacing): I did? (pauses, silently curses Cobra in his mind)
Katia: Yeah, Kai R...wait a minute, is this Kai?
White Hat: Yep, it’s Kai. I’ve been super busy and haven’t had a chance to pick it up until now. I’m on my way.
Katia: Ah, ok. See you soon.
White Hat ends the call.
White Hat (screaming): Cobra!
Thanks for your time and attention!
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