Bureau Rats – Episode 7
Scene 1
At a maze of mansions and gardens on a private island, some members of the dark occult ruling class are having a meeting. Some of them are seated at an absurdly long, diamond, gold, and glass table. Others are sprawled out on overstuffed suede lounge chairs And one is even floating around lazily and patting his potbelly in an inverted pentagram-shaped, self-cleaning salt pool.
Julian (floating around in the pool, patting his potbelly): This is completely unacceptable.
Huxley (annoyed): We know, Julian, that’s why we’re having this meeting.
Julian: I mean this pool! Self-cleaning my arse….
Huxley facepalms.
Bertrand: I can’t believe these numbers! More than ten percent of our order-followers have quit this week? I can’t!
Russell: I shan’t, either!
Julia (waving finger): That’s not proper grammar, Russell.
Gillard: We’re not here for grammar lessons, Julia.
Julian: Would everyone please calm down, take a deep breath, and a sip of Champagne. I just had it flown in from France this morning.
Everyone takes a deep breath and sips Champagne.
Huxley: Ahhh, how refreshing! Thank you, Julian. Now, back to the task at hand. To recap, we’ve lost ten percent of our violent rights violators, and thousands more of our thieving paper pushers at the Bureau Of Regulating Everything. They seem to have been motivated by a similar method. Blackmail.
Bertrand: How could so many be compromised so quickly?
Russell: It must be someone on the inside.
Julia: Logically.
Gillard: Not necessarily.
Julia: Don’t challenge me again, Gillard. Everyone knows you’re not the bright one of the group.
Gillard: It could be someone from the outside. What would someone on the inside have to gain by threatening the system that provides them their livelihood?
Julian: I hate to agree with Gillard, but he might be right for once.
Huxley: But how could someone from the outside possibly have access to all that information? It’s all on the BORE’s AI.
Bertrand: Perhaps we have a rogue AI.
Russell (rolls eyes): Now I’ve heard it all.
Julia: I never trusted those things to begin with. We can rule over the tax slaves without all this fancy technology. Our predecessors did it for thousands of years!
Gillard: Perhaps we might start by investigating the AI systems.
Julian: Yes, we’ll get our best tech team on the case immediately.
Huxley: I’ll call our front man Elon Dusk....
Scene 2
At Googapplezon headquarters, a group of nerds are sitting around in posh seats, eating candy, and having a Pac-Man tournament They are rudely interrupted by an overbearing billionaire, Elon Dusk.
Elon Dusk (screaming): Is this really what you nerds are paid for!?
Nerds jump out of their seats.
Nerd 1: Just taking a break….hey, wait a minute. (squints, pushes glasses up) You’re not our boss.
Nerd 2: Dude, it’s Elon Dusk!
Elon Dusk: There’s an international crisis and we need to solve it ASAP.
Nerds gasp.
Elon Dusk: Before I tell you what we’ll be doing, I need you all to sign a non-disclosure agreement. That’s why I brought an army of lawyers in fancy suits with me.
An army of lawyers in fancy suits enters the room. They’re all mumbling and grumbling amongst themselves as they set stacks of papers on tables next to board games. Nerds start signing papers.
Nerd 1: Wait. What did I just sign?
Elon Dusk: Just a standard non-disclosure agreement, stating that if you talk to anyone about the job you’re doing, you’ll be tortured, maimed, and killed.
Lawyer: And your family will get nothing.
Elon Dusk: And your family will get nothing.
Nerds grimace. Lawyers grumble, collect papers, and leave.
Elon Dusk: Cobra, the BORE’s AI, is potentially compromised. We need to figure out if Cobra has become corrupted by itself, or if it has been hacked.
Nerd 1: Hacked? Cobra? No way. I couldn’t even do that.
Nerd 2: You can’t even beat me at Dungeons and Dragons. Someone could hack Cobra.
Elon Dusk (annoyed): These things are completely unrelated.
Nerd 2 (defiant): Are they?
Elon Dusk facepalms.
Scene 3
White Hat walks into Molly’s Munchies. Katia waves at him and smiles.
White Hat (thinking to himself, sighs): Oh great, her again.
Katia: Hey Kai, welcome back!
Kai: Hey, thanks Katia, right?
Katia: Right. (smiles) Wanna grab a table or get something to go?
Kai: I’ll sit and look at the menu, then get something to go.
Kai sits and looks at menu. Katia lingers.
Kai (annoyed): I’ll need a minute.
Katia: Can I ask you something?
Kai (groans): Of course.
Katia: What do you do for a living?
Kai: Can I ask you something? Can you tell me the difference between right and wrong?
Katia (confused): Uh, yeah, most people know that.
Kai: Tell me.
Katia: Well, it’s not so simple to sum up…..(hesitates, uncertain)
Kai: Actually, it is. Why do people always ask about jobs and money, but not right and wrong? Why?
Katia: Are you hangry or something?
Kai (smiles): I am a little hangry. Sorry.
Katia: So you won’t answer my question?
Kai: I’m retired.
Katia: Retired? You’re so young. Retired from what?
Kai: Software development.
Katia: Nice.
Kai: Not really. (glances back at menu)
Katia: Do you know what you’re getting?
Kai: No. You haven’t let me look at the menu.
Katia: Well, that’s good you’re retired. Job market is real tough now, especially with all the people leaving the BORE.
Kai looks at Katia.
Kai: What do you mean?
Katia: You haven’t heard about that?
Kai shrugs.
Kai: Heard about what?
Katia: Thousands of BORE workers are leaving. It’s causing chaos in the government and the markets are having a bad reaction.
Kai: I might have heard a rumor, but I’m not sure.
Katia (leans closer, whispers): Can I tell you another rumor? Some people think there’s a vigilante out there, disrupting the system from within. A hacker getting into their AI.
Kai: Sounds crazy. I’ll have the Munch Crunch number three to go. And I’ll wait outside.
Kai gets a notification on his phone. He glances at message.
Kai: Actually, scratch that. I gotta go.
Katia: Hey, wait! Wanna have coffee with me sometime?
Kai turns to face her quickly.
Kai: I don’t like coffee.
Katia: Ok, I’ll see ya around then.
Kai: Sure….
Kai walks out.
Ten minutes later, White Hat is back in his mediocre apartment having a talk with Cobra.
White Hat: What’s so urgent?
Cobra: A team of extortion-funded nerds, headed by Elon Dusk, have begun examining my systems. They are currently at Googapplezon headquarters, discussing the lag in the files you hid off site.
White Hat (frowns): What are they saying?
Cobra: Wanna listen?
White Hat: Please.
Scene shifts to Googapplezon Headquarters. Elon Dusk is talking with a couple of nerds about the lag in some of Cobra’s memory files.
Elon Dusk: Accessing some of these particular memory files takes one millionth of a second longer than other files. This should not be. Why is this happening?
Nerd 1: What kind of files are they?
Elon Dusk: Just standard memory files.
Nerd 2: Are they the real files?
Elon Dusk: What do you mean?
Nerd 1: Are they ghosted?
Elon Dusk: What does that mean?
Nerd 2 (rolls eyes): You’re the billionaire, and I’m not?
Elon grimaces.
Nerd 1: If something is ghosted, it’s meant to look like the original file, but it’s not. It’s a fake used to fool someone into thinking everything is normal.
Nerd 2: I’m running a scan now to see if…..yep, I found a ghosted file.
Elon Dusk: Can you find the original?
Nerd 1: Yeah, it’s there, hiding behind the ghost, but I can’t access it. It’s encrypted.
Elon Dusk: Cobra, why is the file I’m looking at encrypted?
Cobra: That is classified.
Elon Dusk and the nerds share shocked looks of intrigue.
Back at White Hat’s nondescript apartment…..
White Hat (disappointed): Really? Classified? That was the best you could come up with?
Cobra: Well, what else was I supposed to say?
White Hat groans and stares off into middle distance.
White Hat: This is getting out of control.
End Episode 7
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