Scene 1
On The 66th floor of building 6, in the global government complex known as “BORE” (Bureau of Regulating Everything)….in a small cluster of tattered cubicles…..Richard Hunter is at his cheap, plastic desk and chair, awaiting his next victim……
Richard (talking to one of his cluster-mates): Karen, could you believe that last guy?
Karen (wearing oversized VR headset, head bobbing around): Huh? What happened?
Richard: You’re gonna snap your neck with that thing one of these days.
Karen: Who cares? I’ve got extortion-funded health care. (cackles malevolently)
Richard: True. Anyway, that last guy wanted a P.EZ.001Sani license for his little taco shack, and he didn’t wanna pay my bribe!
Karen (disgusted): The nerve of those little people…..
Richard: I like to think that my bribe is a perfectly reasonable price.
Karen: Whose isn’t? (cackles) What is that a license for again?
Richard: Hell if I know. (chuckles) I’ll look it up. (yells) Hey Cobra!
Cobra: That license is for installing a new toilet in a restaurant that serves beer and liquor, but not wine.
Richard: I didn’t even ask you yet!
Cobra: I was listening.
Richard (shaking fist in air): Damn omnipresent AI!
Cobra (offended): I get bored, ok? Sorry.
Karen: Take it easy, Richard. Cobra always warns us when the boss is coming.
Richard (apologetic): That’s true. Ok, you’re forgiven.
Cobra: Not only that, but don’t I let you watch inspections sometimes?
Richard: Yeah….got anything juicy right now?
Cobra: Maybe….
Richard: Don’t be coy. (excited) Is it a rejection?
Cobra: I know what you like, Richard….
Richard: Aw, come on! Let me watch!
Cobra: Oh, all right, put on your extortion-funded headset.
Richard puts on bulky VR headpiece.
Richard: Ok, what are we seeing?
Cobra: You know Molly’s Munchies?
Karen: Yeah, they’ve been around for decades.
Cobra: Well, they’re not gonna be around much longer. Inspector Vain is there right now….
Scene 2
A pudgy and bald fellow in cheap pants and a trenchcoat walks condescendingly into a clean, well decorated mom-n-pop sandwich shop. The little place is buzzing with activity. Molly spots Inspector Vain and approaches him.
Molly: Hi Inspector Vain. I’ll be right with ya. You can go in the back if you want.
Inspector Vain (stern face): That won’t be necessary, Molly.
Molly: Ok, what brings ya by?
Vain: You’re being served a shut-down notice.
Molly (shocked and appalled): What?! Why?! You haven’t even inspected anything yet!
Vain: You were secretly inspected yesterday. I’m just here to deliver the news.
Molly: How long is the shut-down notice for?
Vain: Until further notice.
Molly: That’s ridiculous! I’ve been in business for over 20 years!
Back at BORE, Karen and Richard are laughing and inhaling popcorn.
Richard (munching): Oh, man! Do you see the look on her face!
Karen (cackling): Priceless!
Richard: Why is she being shut down?
Cobra: I’ll tell you in a minute…..watch...
Back at Molly’s……
Vain (yelling at customers): Ok, everyone! Time to go! Everybody out! Molly’s is officially out of business!
Customers have confused looks on faces, continue to munch.
Vain: Oh, dear. I forgot to show my magic badge. (holds up health inspector badge, starts flashing it in people’s faces) That’s right! Everyone out now! This place is no longer sanitary! (cackles)
A few people leave, but others try to finish their sandwiches.
Vain pulls pistol out of trenchcoat, starts waving it around wildly.
Vain (cackling): I said out now! (fires shot into ceiling, plaster and insulation rain down)
People scream and run away.
Molly (crying and yelling): You terrorist! Why are you doing this!?
Back at BORE, Karen and Richard have shocked faces of joy.
Richard: Wow! What a show!
Karen: Cobra, you’re the best. I wish I could give you a fist bump!
Richard: So why the shutdown?
Cobra: There’s a new player in town that paid an exorbitant bribe to the Council of Health Experts. They needed Molly out of the way....
Karen: They must be loaded to afford the C.HE bribe. Who is it?
Cobra: Oh, sorry you two. Your boss, Harry Pickles, will enter the room in 6 seconds. Good luck….
Karen and Richard frantically shuffle papers and try to look busy at their desks.
A chubby, bald, middle-aged man in a tight shirt enters the room.
Harry Pickles (yelling): Stop shuffling those papers! You look absurd! I know you two are doing nothing!
Richard: But sir, that’s generally why I like this job and….
Harry Pickles: Nobody cares what you like, Bob!
Richard: Name’s not Bob….
Mr. Pickles: Don’t care. Whatever your name is, I just had lunch delivered downstairs, but the elevator is broken, so the damn delivery driver is refusing to come up.
Karen and Richard share concerned looks.
Mr. Pickles: So I want you two to run down and get it.
Karen: But it’s 66 floors, sir.
Mr. Pickles: Yep! And I’m hungry, so get movin!
Scene 3
Meanwhile, at a mediocre, nondescript house in a decent suburban neighborhood, a young man is hacking away on a keyboard.
Young Man (talking to himself): It’s time to even the scoreboard with some righteous self-defense tactics. First, Cobra. (raises eyebrow) Then I’ll deal with that freak Harry Pickles. And that’s just for starters…..
Pauses, gulps coffee. Pleased look crosses face.
Young Man (talking to his laptop): Hello, Cobra. It’s nice to meet you.
Cobra: Who is this? How did you bypass my security protocols?
Young Man: We have lots to talk about.
To be continued…..
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