I Feel a little antsy around big holidays like Christmas and New Year’s. Seems like everyone else is posting more often on social media sites at these times, I tend to post less. I get a little FOMO and self critical. I basically do exactly what I want to do for the holidays but then in hindsight I start comparing it to all the other happy family photos that other people are sharing. Are we happy enough? Did I do enough? Is it my responsibility to be the family entertainment director and make everyone happy?
Yes.
No.
Both.
All of it and none of it are the answers, and they change in my head moment to moment when I get like this.
Then to compound my holiday’s angst this year...we just moved to Puerto Rico, permanently, this past Saturday. My 20 year old boys came down with us to see our place and enjoy a few days at the beach. They head back to Tennessee tomorrow for school and other pursuits.
They’re leaving.
Total separation from us.
For real this time.
I mean, sure we will visit often. But, We will be living in different states and 1,400 miles apart. They will really be on their own without us, and us without them for months at a time. So apply all those ansgty questions above ☝🏼about whether or not you did enough, and the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s to your entire role and responsibilities as a parent -
and that’s where I’m at today trying to settle into my new home in paradise.
I know the answers. I preach this shit! Our only responsibility in life is to figure out exactly who we truly are and then do the shit out of it. We are each responsible for our own happiness. To cast off our encumbrances, to heal ourselves, and to get out of our own way. So when I start feeling anxious about my kids’ happiness and wellbeing, it’s just a nudge from the universe reminding me to let go and trust. To take care of myself, pursue my own happiness and give them space to find their own ways.
I’m not a perfect person nor a perfect parent. I’m lazy and forgetful and selfish sometimes. I’m human. But overall I know I’ve done and provided the best I could at the time throughout their lives. They know they are loved and that we have their backs. They will find their way. They will make their own happiness. Our roots will always be entwined together and now we must each spread our wings.