My recurring dream for the last 10 years or more is that I’m soundly asleep in my bed, just like I am in fact sleeping, when suddenly out of the blue there is a BOOM 💥 on or into our home. Totally without warning a bomb, missile (interesting autocorrect changed that word to mistake) or explosion happens upon us.
Every time this dream startles me straight upright in bed, and the first words out of my mouth are my Man’s name, “Sean?!” I also always have a sense of “this is it! The moment I always knew would happen because I’ve dreamed of this coming for years.” It’s a moment of intense alarm, fear, the angst of “wtf do we do now/next?!!” It’s also a reality check when I sit up and scream out His name. A single overlapping merging moment where my dream and wake state are blended and it’s impossible for me to tell fast enough which is true, and I need my reality checker, Sean, to save me with clarity and confirmation that it’s only a dream, or if it’s real, tell me what the hell to do next.
After realizing that it is only a dream this time, again, I lie down as sweat begins to cover me in relief, my heart racing, and confusion how a dream could feel THAT real and repeatedly physically creep over into affecting my waking state. Also I a little remorseful that I’ve yet again disturbed the sleep of others and needed reassurance of what is real.
What does this dream mean? Why do I keep having it for the last 10 years? In our last house the impact always hit the west/southwest part of the home. Now i had the dream in our new home last week and it hit the east/southeast. The impact is always in the direction of where my feet point as I sleep.
My own interpretation of the dream is that it reveals my inner psychological wiring. Neuroplasticity, or the ability to slightly change our default nature, mental programing, or way of thinking, is possible, but to a great extent we are the way we are from birth + early childhood experiences. The dream mirrors my nature in that I have a strong startle reflex, I tend to freeze in panic vs fight OR flight, and I’m a great worst case scenario thinker. So a bomb dropping on my house at night while I’m relaxed, guard down, naked, vulnerable and sleeping is my brain practicing fire drills trying to keep on guard and prepared for the worst case scenarios it conjures up.
Just writing that out makes me feel better. Sometimes the whodoo voodoo parts of me start thinking the dream is some type of premonition. But it really seems more plausible that it’s just my mental survival wiring masturbating itself and dreaming up this alarm scenario in which to practice and play.
I do not enjoy these mental exercise though, damnit brain. 😐 How can I lessen the feelings of trauma and intense disruption of my peace when this dream happens next time? Perhaps I can remember to appreciate next time that it’s just my brain’s survival wiring/crazy fuckery diddling with itself in practice drills.