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Some of you may be familiar with the track and already know what I'm on about. Lyrically and musically it seems fine on the surface. Hold the following lyrics up to the light and they become a steaming pile of illogical, emotionally incontinent shit. "Darling you have got to let me know. Should I stay or should I go. If I go, there will be trouble. And if I stay it will be double." What the fuck are you on about you moronic clown. This isn't a difficult problem, except in the sense some dumped boyfriend is desperately seeking some way to cling on to a woman who no longer finds him attractive. It's not fucking rocket science. If you go, there will be trouble. If you stay it will be double. Therefore logically you fuck off you spineless wimp. I'm trying to think of a way I could put it any simpler. I can't. The answer to the question is so blatantly obvious.
STAYING WILL BE TWICE THE TROUBLE OF GOING. How can you not understand that? Let's say there are 2 identical motels right next to each other. One charges $50 a night. The other charges $100 a night. Which one is cheaper? I suppose I'm going to have a to wait another 40 years for the writer to work that one out. Since he couldn't solve the original and even easier problem.
I will admit that back in 1982 I thought this was wicked cool and sick. In my defense I was drunk, stuffed full of recreational pharmaceuticals and frantically attempting to get my cock wet with any woman inebriated enough not to find me repulsive. In short I was not in full possession of all my faculties and my penis was doing most of the thinking. In retrospect I was blind to the gaping holes in the logic due to being smacked off my tits most of the time. Only now do I recognize this was meaningless garbage.
If you're a man you'll understand this. Yeah that's right I'm going off on another tangent. Strap yourself in. It could be a bumpy ride into the nethers of Satan. Or a mildly illogical rant about bugger all of any consequence. Anyway, it's New Year's Eve. You're a man. You were dumped by your last girlfriend four months ago. Since when you've relied on your right palm for any form of relief. Crying brokenly about that heartless bitch while pleasuring yourself. But your pals have dragged you out of that pit of despair and taken you to a party. It's twenty minutes to midnight and you still haven't found a woman to kiss to bring the New Year in. You are now in panic mode. Thanks to the alcohol and drugs your standards have dropped so now if it's human and female it's acceptable. You don't care anymore. She could look like a startled giraffe and be so thin she could kiss a goat between it's horns, it doesn't matter. You have to have a lady to kiss to bring the year in.
By some miracle you find one in a similar state of inebriation. No longer able to think critically about her life choices or understand the full consequences of her actions. Tomorrow, when you sober up and wake up next to her, you may regret your actions. Sneak out of bed, get dressed and join French Foreign Legion incase anyone you know has seen you with her. But wait. It's only a month and a half to Valentines Day. That's another day it's compulsory to have a girlfriend. Should you try to hold on to her until then? You've had worse. There was that time you woke up next to a hippo. Her zoo wasn't pleased about that. So should you do everything in your power to keep her sweet until February 14th, or risk being a loser on Valentines Day. Again? Like many of these things there is no correct answer. Only two near indistinguishable alternatives.
