It's way too quiet here. Not at all what I'm wired for. Too much time to think which is just what I've been doing for the last couple hours since they left. Wishing I had taken more time every time I ever said goodbye to my parents and my brother. Especially my Pop because we don't have him anymore.
I didn't see or feel that way back then too much, nor was I likely supposed to.
I may have never left if I had. May have never had these six amazing kids from two wonderfully challenging marriages.
But I digress.
These heart punches that we take as parents, that are so solo in their moment. So only for us. They're worth taking, and taking well, not because they are lessons for us, and they are, but because they are lessons for them and their future. Experiences that shape the charts and lay-lines of their hearts and hopefully help steady their compass and guide them well in navigating their lives. There is value in the leaving's and letting-go's. In all of the:
I-wished-I-had-said,
or done,
or got
or bought
or thought of etc.
Especially when you're young and full of forward momentum. They are just seeds.
These moments that stagger us as parents are way more in the here and now for us. Maybe because your heart resides outside of your chest once you're a parent. For them, the lesson is time-released. Memories that not only grow and shape their hearts and minds and how-too's as experience waxes, but eventually their children as well. I hope it helps when the day comes they find themselves waving bon voyage to their parents, and visa-versa.
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