Triggers

It's midnight and my eyes are wide and a thousand thought running wild inside my head. What does it all mean? Why? What's the purpose of any of it?

It all started three nights ago with doors being slammed one after another. The neighbors screaming profane at each other for hours in to the night, the cops come the cops go, more door slamming and cars racing off into the night with tires screaching. Finally at 3:30 in the morning a bit of silence I fall into a one eye open sleep.

Morning comes to the waking of more doors slamming and more screaming of profanity at 7:00 in the morning and last a hood half hour before the sounds of engines racing and tires screaching ends. God what is wrong with these people I ask myself.

Day Two the middle of the afternoon rat a tat tat on the window beneath me and again and again. Boom and bang the sound of the other neighbor kicking the door in as the shards of wood fall to the ground. More cops come and go followed by more screaming after the parade of black and white cars drive away. An hour later I'm left with nothing but the pugnant odor of cigarettes and synthetic weed smoke lingering in the hallway separating apartments and hope that surely the insanity is done for the day.

I couldn't have been more wrong as the other neighbor and the synthetic junkie get in to a shouting match followed by their chica's following suit and more door slamming and furniture being kicked around until the early hours of the morning of the third day.

Finally day three goes of without a hitch and it almost seems normal, quiet even. The evening comes and all seems well with the world except me. Here I am lying here in bed ride eyed, tension causing pain in my shoulders and back running down my legs. A deep breathe contemplating how in the hell's I going to get out of here and move away from this insanity without taking a hit on the deposit not to mention the cost and time to find and move in to another place. Lord what a mess.

I logged in to steem and found @eaglespirit 's post reminding me to get myself grounded and centered. That was followed by @chrismccron telling me to let it all go and head out to the beach and get by the waves @sykochica having a good time giving away steem doing her trivia thing. Perhaps there is a light at then end of this tunnel if only I could find a way to cope effectively with the exceedingly large amount of triggers that have been tripped the last few days.

My step-daughter and I both have had our fill of it and both been caught in the trap of allowing others to affect our behavior. Thankfully I do have a few skills left using "I " statements and self actualization / realization she and I have managed to keep it together and laugh sarcastically at the idiotic ridiculous nature of it all. I'm so blessed to have such an awesome loving relationship with her.

So many times I find myself praying prayers of gratefulness and feeling unworthy of the love this adult child of not my blood has for me but she was there for me in the darkest of dark and is my fiercest angel willing to fight when others would run. My only hope is I can continue to be the dad she never had and help her and I both grow into the awesome people we are becoming despite all the triggers.

Final thoughts: Finally thus far a reasonably peaceful night to collect my thoughts and find a glimmer of hope in amongst some hard times