The alarm on my clock rings. Maybe the right time to get up and meditate. But my head hurts, I'm not going to meditate great things this way. So I do a catharsis writing here, just an exercise.

These are the moments when I may think that I am not going to get out of the hole, no matter what I invent. When I say it like that, it even makes me laugh. It's funny to contemplate my own misfortune when I describe it as if I weren't living it.

An interesting part of this whole thing is that half the time I feel like a paladin, like someone who can take down any obstacle thrown in the way. But right now I'm not in the mood to break down obstacles.

Lately, I've been tossing around theories about how to write a novel. From the outset, I have seen that I need to make a map of the whole story before I start writing. It seemed easy to me, but anything I write now is going to be profitable after three months. My calculations say I'm going to starve before I get paid. That thought truncates my creativity.

Dostoevsky wrote The Gambler in 26 days and that novel is a classic of world literature. But that writer lived a miserable life, always wrapped in debt. I think that I'm not going to be better than Dostoyevsky, so may be I better forget The Gambler...

Catharsis' end.
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