I'm really depressed. I used to love life and love making people laugh. I feel so fucking empty and dead inside. I've tried working out more, martial arts, I've read all sorts of mental health related things, meditation, its all so pointless to me, I have no spirit anymore. I don't enjoy interacting with people anymore. I don't enjoy creating anymore, ive tried making music and having plans to play live shows. I just feel this void. I don't enjoy cooking anymore. I don't enjoy hiking anymore. I don't want to go on medication. A failed business, failed relationships, looming bankruptcy, i need a grand to go bankrupt, i barely make any money driving people around, anxiety, despair, ive alienated my friends and i have no family that i can be weak in front of and ask for help. I finally got a decent job so hopefully things get better but im behind on car payments, behind on my insurance, my drivers license is now invalid because i cant afford the monthly surcharges, im cashing out steem just to eat, the only people that call or text me are creditors, 100 times a day. I've become a shell of my former self. Its all my fault. My weaknesses are my fault. I don't know what to do. To everyone thats been cool thank you. I wish you all the best and I wish this blockchain the best. I want to face my loneliness and isolation and maybe find some joy again. I'm not suicidal but if i could just flip a switch i think i would. I deleted facebook, but that takes 30 days, i deleted discord but that takes 14 days, i deleted my instagram, i wish i could delete this but i can't. I hate myself, i hate my life. Goodbye steem.
