Falling Down and struggling to get back up

Sorry your not what we are looking for

After moving to Pennsylvania in April I decided to put off looking for a job and take the summer off. Summer has seemed to go by very quickly. I got many projects finished and now it has come the time to find a job. The first thing I did was to update my resume and then jumped on the internet to see what was out there. I found a few jobs that matched my skill set and applied. I received a call a few days later and set up a job interview. I felt very confident during the interview and thought that it had gone well. A few days later I got a call and they told me that they were sorry, but I wasn't what they were looking for.

Struggling for self worth

When I got off the phone it felt like my heart hurt. My brain started spinning with thoughts. I wondered if I had said or done anything wrong during the interview. I wonder if age was a factor, and they thought I was too old for the job. I felt myself starting to get angry. I couldn't help but wonder why they didn't like me? Could it be that even though I thought I was qualified for the job, that in reality, I was not. I stepped back and took a breath and realized that I was mentally self-destructing. The truth is that I had gotten vulnerable, put myself out there and got my ass kicked. I spent the next day wallowing in self-pity and all I wanted to do was sleep and not feel so worthless.

Vulnerability

Author Brene Brown defines vulnerability as :

"the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of the outcome."

She also believes that vulnerability is the path to more love, belonging, and joy. I believe that she is right but there is also a downside to vulnerability. Sometimes you just get punched in the face and your heart breaks. I believe that getting vulnerable is one of the bravest acts we can do. So what happens when we get our heart broken? What happens when we fall flat on our face? The first thing we need to do is to feel our emotions rather than deny, mask, or numb them. The emotion I was feeling when I didn't get the job was rejection. I have always been good at avoiding rejection. I simply stayed away from putting myself in situations where rejection was an option. I was not that experienced with rejection and that why it hurt so much.

Cultivating self-worth

Most people I speak with suffer from low self-esteem and lack of worthiness. I realized years ago that I had a self-esteem issue and looked into some ways that I could raise my level. Author Nathaniel Branden states that

self-esteem is not something we are born with. It's a skill that needs to be cultivated.

I have always believed that to increase self-esteem one has to do esteemable things. Engaging in behaviours that are not congruent with your values lowers your self-esteem. ie. If you value honesty and lie to someone, even if it to save them from being hurt, is still a compromise of your values and affects your level of self-esteem. Nathaniel Brandon belives that self-esteem can be raised through practicing the following 6 practices:

The Practice of Living Consciously
The Practice of Self-Acceptance
The Practice of Self-Responsibility
The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
The Practice of Living Purposefully
The Practice of Personal Integrity

With the practice of these "six pillars," it is possible for someone to raise their level of self-esteem. So when life kicks us in the teeth, and it will especially when we practice vulnerability, we are able to recover better if we have cultivated practices that support our self-worth and self-esteem.

Getting back up

I think its ok to feel your feelings. I think its ok to have negative thoughts. I think it's important not to make any decisions based on feelings or thoughts until enough time has passed to process the emotions. The best way I have found to process emotions is to lean into them. Feel them. Talk about them to anyone who would listen. The next thing to do is to take action. In my case, I fine-tuned my resume and got back up on the horse and applied for more jobs. The next day I received calls for three more interviews. There is a chance I will get rejected again and I know it will suck. I have made a decision to live a bold and daring life and these are the risks that have to be taken. I am still feeling the sting of rejection but I am no longer attending the "pity party". I was reminded by @nobutsd that the universe has a plan, and the universe is a power much greater than myself

We get by with a little help from our friends

I would like to thank @discordiant, @hope777, @crimsonclad and @nobutsd for the support they provided in Discord PAL. They let me vent my frustrations and express my feelings. They offered compassion and empathy and some good advice. I believe that when fall down, we need others to help us get back up. It's much too hard to do by ourselves. There is no shame or weakness in asking for help. What we cannot do by ourselves we can do together. Vulnerability, Connection, Belonging are all keys to a happy life. These things do not just come to us we have to put in the work. I have put in some work and every night before I go to bed I understand that no matter what has happened, whether failure or success, I am enough.

gif created by @malos10