Nothing says you’ve established yourself in a community quite like free coffee. When the van is parked up in the town, my morning routine typically involves climbing out of the van as soon as the want for the bathroom shifts from desire to need, and it would be difficult for me to walk past a pot of coffee in the morning without stopping to fill my mug. Lately, those coffee fills have been becoming more regularly free; something I’ve always found to happen after a month or two in a new place. Once it’s understood that you’re not just a tourist blowing through, these little perks start to add up in towns like these.
So, after getting waved out of the busy store; a subtle nod of acknowledgement; just the coffee? Get going man, I wrote a book review, coffee in hand. Reading was once a daily hobby of mine, spending days scrounging Little Free Libraries and Craigslist posts for books that caught my interest; an almost annoyingly time-consuming task when you have such a niche literary interest as I do. With this new chapter in my life, lacking in social interaction and city stimulation, I’m hoping to start reading again much more. Given my history of writing film and album reviews, I figured I’d try my hand at a book review while waiting for work to begin.
Aaaaaand…. work did NOT begin. About an hour before my shift, just as I was wrapping up my silly little book review and about to strip myself of my dirty trail pants and into my work pants, an Oregon number showed up on my caller ID. I’m fresh enough to the area where anything with these area codes; well, I know it has to be work-related. Lo and behold, work cancelled. No traffic due to the fires. Forest shut down. Surprise surprise.
Unexpected day off. A good time to get all my ducks in a row, whatever tf that means. Or is it? As much as I thought in the morning, oh great, I have so much time to take care of shit!, I did not take care of shit. Or exercise. Or be productive in any sense whatsoever. Looking back on it, I actually don’t know what I did yesterday. I read a little. I went to the grocery store. I drew a little. I wrote a little. I went for an “accidental” hike; my tendency to turn a short walk to the store into a two hour long aimless journey got me again. I frequently enter a store, get my little consumer items, and then take as long as possible getting back; an impulse that has caused riffs with many of my exes. I mean, I get it, I’d probably be suspicious if my partner would frequently step out for a second and then just be gone for hours. It’s always been entirely innocent, despite how it may feel to the partner 😂
Anyways, point is to say that I really have no idea where the day went yesterday. If I could just buckle down and fix these god damn breaks, I would’ve probably gone to Portland or the coast. I don’t have the necessary tools or parts, and the biggest thing stopping me is not knowing where I would store said tools. I gotta whip myself into shape and figure this shit out. It might be worth it to just bite my pride and go to a mechanic in the meantime.
My last few posts I was bitching and whining a bit about my current struggles with mental health and fitting into a new place. Things are feeling a little better. Im not sure where that all came from, but I was down. Like ready to give up on spending the winter here and ship out of town. Likely just my ever-present mental health issues, coupled with the strangeness of life here right now. And having to deal with them alone and sober. I’m working on myself, I’m improving, and I’m feeling better these last few days. I just needed to breathe. With the wildfires, that could also be taken literally.
And maybe that’s what I did yesterday. Breathe. Relax. Reset. Sometimes, it’s necessary. Life cant get much worse than what I was experiencing up until recently, so I gotta just understand that I made it through rock bottom and things are only gonna get better.
This upcoming week is gonna be a little hectic, *if I was a betting man…. * No days off work, van work, and a friend visiting from the other side of the country. I am picking him up from the airport on Wednesday night, and man, I fuckin need it. I really couldn’t tell you why he’s choosing to come visit in late August, as I think he’s flying out to chase snow, but hey… I’ll take it. He is a very mechanically-oriented person as well, so he can probably help me with my brakes. Hopefully we get up to some fun shit.
i don’t know whose house this is but I am obsessed with this creek spot i walk by daily
I found my battery charger for my Nikon the other day. An exciting moment, only to after realize I somehow managed to lose the battery itself. I have no idea how I am such a chaotic mess all the time. Even sober. I haven’t shot photos in years, and it’s now high up on my to-do list. The battery, I mean. I’m pretty confident that getting back into arte and hobbies will ease my mind a bit. Writing, photography, painting… whatever it may be. The constant battle of simultaneously having too many things to do and nothing to do. Life.
I guess that’s all I really have for today. My brain is flat, foggy, almost vacant.. maybe it’s the dust settling from the self-inflicting torture I’ve been putting it through lately. I’m honestly astounded about how little I managed to do yesterday. And it still somehow felt like a lot. Looking at my phone, I still managed to walk about 28,000 steps. Doing what? I don’t know. Am i losing it?! Maybe. Probably! Who knows!!
