EVERY. SINGLE. INSTINCT. is telling me to get out of here. It sucks, because I was just starting to feel super comfortable and stable here. Comfortable with sobriety, comfortable with being “homeless”, comfortable with my jobs, etc. But, this god damn fire isn’t getting any smaller, or any farther away.
I feel like all I talk, and think about recently is this godforsaken fire. It’s hard not to. I woke up this morning covered in ash because I left the back windows of the van cracked, and when I started driving down the hill the air circulation almost blinded me with forest fire debris. I made the 20-odd mile trek down to Sandy, thinking it might be better down here. It is not. I had planned on working out, running and skating; which is partly why I decided to drive down instead of taking the bus. The other part of that decision was based on the fact that I simply don’t know if I can even go back up the hill at any given point. I work just as far west as you can go; the wall of fire lingering just miles on the other side.
My plans for the day didn’t materialize as I had hoped. I still can’t really breathe, so my time at the gym was mostly swimming and using a shower while I can. I made a little walk over to the thrift store and bought some weird little wooden thing. I have no idea what I’m going to use it for; but I think it’s fucking CUTE and I HAD TO HAVE IT.
Seems as though we’re pretty much determining whether or not to keep businesses open due to air quality. Which doesn’t really make sense to me, as it is rated highly unhealthy and people are wearing respirators. I can’t imagine the dwindling wallet traffic we’re receiving can financially justify keeping us open. I am grateful for the hours, and I really have grown to enjoy my workplaces; but I can feel the air taking a toll on my health. Sitting here in Sandy, every voice in my head is telling me to just keep on going to Portland, and then maybe back up “home” to Washington.
I feel very fortunate to live in a van right now. Many of my friends and coworkers have either lost their homes, or are preparing for that possibility. All I have to do is drive away. My friends a few hundred miles away up in Washington are sleeping at shelters and have lost all their belongings. It’s strange to feel privileged about being technically homeless; but in this situation I can’t help it.
The time window came and left for the restaurant deciding whether or not we would stay open, so I drove back up the hill. Dear lord, it is dead in here. So dead, I’ve already cleaned everything I could possibly find, and am here typing away on my phone instead. That is not common in a kitchen. There are two tables here currently. At 6PM. TWO
At this point, even though I really can’t afford it, I am kind of hoping we shut down. Or, better yet, obviously, the 36,000 acre fire just magically disappears. But thats not gonna happen anytime soon. I just want to get back to productivity. Strangely, the biggest thing on my mind is the upcoming marathon. Seems stupid to be prioritizing that, but hey, I paid for it, and I have limited time to train, so I have to stay true to my commitment. I don’t want to let myself down, and I need to set these sorts of goals for myself to keep myself sober. But, it’s physically difficult to run right now, and I hate treadmills with all of my heart; so inhaling this toxic CO2 filled air is my only option if I want to stick with it. Maybe I’ll start taking the train into Portland on my days off. It’s a far trek, but my lungs will thank me.
Additionally, right before the fire got bad, the local sheriff went around stickering people’s cars, vans and campers around the loop. This happens every few years or so; essentially to serve as a “get your shit together” type of move. This comes as a result of tourists and weekend warriors coming up and leaving trash and broken glass all over the place. It’s unfortunate that the locals who drive the industry have to pay the price; considering we are all extremely respectful and clean about our unconventional living situations. To make it more difficult! There is no free public place to dump trash.. which I’m well aware is normal.. BUT! We all are more than happy to pick up after the out of towners in our free time.. but I’m not paying to clean up after others. People really don’t understand how these tourist towns operate, and it comes down on the shoulders of the locals.
Anyways, the reason I’m blabbing about this shit is because it means I have no secure parking spot for the time being. I have to be sneaky, strategic.. move every night and stealth camp where I can. There are places to park out of town, but when you kick out all of the employees from their normal places, they become crowded extremely fast. And I’m really not trying to commute more than I already do every day.
We closed down shop in the restaurant and I moved back up to the loop. I guess I’m gonna test my luck tonight. I think as long as I move early enough I’ll be fine. I wish SO badly I could do something fun outside right now and concentrate on something other than this situation at hand. But, I got fire on the mind. Time to try to distract myself with a shitty horror movie and pass out. Much love fam
