These last few days I tried to occupy them with mundane things, being entertained, going out, interacting, and in part it's because at this moment it helps me to transit in the best possible way, certain somewhat painful emotions that are happening far below the surface. These emotions make me think, make me feel the passage of time (which weights), and make life and living life very difficult.
I have always been a melancholic person. Already since I was a child. And at this moment I feel that plugging those channels to my inner self is being positive for my day to day life. But on the other hand I have the feeling that I'm blocking other channels. Those more important ones that make me connect with that other me that can be seen in my paintings. An intense self, but also intensely hurt. Then I start thinking, is it worth sacrificing emotional well-being for one's work? No kidding, I really asked myself this question. I am so lost in the everyday, in the effective and fast enjoyment of the day to day to cover other deeper issues, and meanwhile I cover everything else that is my source of internal production. I don't know, I'm with those thoughts in my head. I always think about it. And I always chose a little bit that other dark path in terms of my work, but today I really wonder about it, and what happens if I leave that path? Am I going to have something to say? I've been told that I do. I've been told that it's good to talk about pain from a place where I've already gone through it with a different point of view. But my work is that feeling, it's what I go through, it's what I experience on a daily basis and when there is none, there's no work.
And then what.
What is the meaning of everything?
One must learn to travel other roads, and adapt, learn with them and from them. And time. We need time for things to decay and settle down.
One more Untitled. Somewhat abstract, yet quite figurative.
