Yeah, I write like a child.. Miss sentences, letters .. I sometimes miss the whole point in my posts.
I shock people like no other ;) :p
Not so much here but more on Facebook.
Reason for my child like texts could be that English isn't my primary language and second is that I might be dyslexic.
But there is the third reason for it. Maybe the primary one.
I have very severe PTSD and depression and eating disorder.
But I won't cry about it now and I won't give up! At least at this moment, I believe I won't. ;)
It is very important that you shake yourself out of this state of mind. State of misery.
I know this article wouldn't get much interest but if it helps to one person or few more in the future it would be very good. I hope that people who will find themselves in the same pickle like I am will find some comfort in this.
You're not alone.
So, I live with this illnesses or disorders for more than 25 years.
The biggest problem is that as you get older, you will get some more illnesses as well. Some as result of aging and some as a result of your behavior, some by neglection of those first few! Those, that those monsters in white didn't wanna treat. Didn't wanna, didn't know how, or they just couldn't for any reason.
And then what?
And if you couldn't handle it when you were young, how you can deal with it with 25 plus years more and plus few more illnesses on your back?
My depression and PTSD was totally ignored, until today.
The best thing I got from Croatian doctors was the pills.
There is no therapy, no group meetings, no nothing!!
Huh, and surroundings!? People around you? That's another story.
I don't know, must be because you cant touch it, you cant even see it as a regular person so it doesn't exist for people.
They could see it if they really want to or if they watched closely. Or if they care about you.
People judge others by their own experience.
So I don't judge people even if it hurts when they don't understand you or worse, think you are a fibber.
But doctors, medical doctors (prof, docent, doctor, science), I cant understand them.
How they live with themselves?
I wonder if anyone else in this world had to apologize to others for being sick so many times as I did?
I felt like I have to. Over and over again. While my psychologist says to me: "Oh come on, you know its summertime, we don't hold group therapy in the summertime and told me not to shit. Its a phrase, like don't bother me, don't push it, but in the way, you wouldn't expect from a medical doctor to say to his patient.
Now, the New year has passed and I still haven't heard from my doctor. I will go visit her, or him (there are few of them there) but I'm scared.
I hate them so much that I'm afraid I'll tell something not nice to them, and then they'll call the police on me.
One time, I think I had an emotional breakdown in the doctor's office and he threw me out and almost called police on me because I told him how I feel about their ways...
I told him I need no more medications, I need therapy.
My hubby died from medications they gave him...
I was really upset, and he didn't even try to calm me down, what you would expect from a therapist to do but he threw me out.
ps. I had a nervous breakdown at the wrong place at the wrong time. At the doctor/therapist office, on my scheduled appointment.
Right, I agree. I would get more help from... I dont know! Anyone! Rendom person on the street.
Update or edit:
I couldn't post my post without upvoting it myself first? I got this message:
