I decided that I am going to live my life the way that I want to and not apologize for being myself anymore. I can be hard to handle but I know that I am worth it. I love others with my whole heart and I am so very loyal but I do know that I have my faults. I clean like a person possessed and will cuss out anyone that messes with me or with my loved ones. I will staunchly defend my opinions but I am willing to listen others talk about theirs.
I have been dealing with the suicide of my boyfriend the past couple of months and I have been having trouble dealing with all of it because I miss him and have so many unanswered questions about his death. I know that I have to move on eventually, and I will, but it may take some more time, you know?
I met up with a friend last night that I hadn't seen in months and I realized so much about myself that I had thought that I lost when my boyfriend died. I have a passion for life that I haven't been following of late and I haven't been able to focus on my work either.
My words and my work are what has always driven me in times of stress and I haven't been able to have the words come as freely lately. I admit that I have been a hot mess the past couple of months but why shouldn't I use that messiness to enrich my writing and fully embrace who I am?
My parents raised us all to be cognizant of what others thought of us and to always try to keep up appearances. I'm not sure exactly why they cared so much about what others thought of them but maybe they thought that it was good etiquette. But, the world has changed since I was a child and it seems like it's cool nowadays to show the world what really happens in your life and to be vulnerable.
So, I have been honest with people online about my life and everything that has been going on lately because it makes me feel better and I feel like it has helped my followers to relate to me better. I think this is what everyone online does now. Share the rawness of their life and not care if anyone judges you.
I am tired of living my life thinking that people are going to judge me if my life isn't perfect. I am tired of apologizing for being myself to people that don't want to accept me for being me. And I am tired of even thinking that people would judge me, they likely aren't judging me but I think they are.
Long story short, I am going to stop apologizing for being myself and just expect people to accept me for who I am or I don't need them in my life. I should have just been comfortable enough to just be me without needing to apologize for it.
I would encourage anyone reading this to learn to be themselves no matter what anyone else thinks and to live your life without apologizing for just being yourself. I would love to hear your opinion and your thoughts on this!
Thanks for reading!
