In the year 2021, I hit a wall. I have spent the last four months hitting my head against that very wall each day. I became numb.
My personal computer, filled with a ton of video footage never edited and posted, the artwork I have finished sit and collect dust, all waiting for my brain to wake up.
Everywhere I looked, responsibility was calling my name.
Home projects needed to get done. Ten minutes spent working towards being responsible a day would have helped. Logically I know this to be true. Mentally the toll was steep.
Projects that need to be finished would have taken me two days in the past. Two torturous days of working around the house, but this is the way I worked best in the past. This is how I still work best, but now one day of doing tasks will take me a week to recover. Hence why many jobs piled up.
The closer May came, where I am spending one month with my Mom in sweltering Florida, new and more significant walls for me to beat my head against the sheer overwhelming feelings almost did me in.
I received my first chipped tooth. A chip that cut up the side of my tongue in a few hours. One that needed to be fixed before I went to Florida for a month. I had not seen a dentist in forever. I had two days to find one and have them grind my tooth smooth until I return home, and they can fix it properly.
My second Covid shot took four days for my body to recover. I could feel every joint in my body. It hurt to blink. Four days of resting. Four days of nothing getting done. Hubby reinjuring his elbow he just had surgery on didn't help matters.
Three massive projects needed to be finished by May 3, 2021, and I was in no shape to begin.
A gob-ton of determination, pain medication, and no sleep finally saw all three projects completed. I was one sleep away from a plane ride to a month of rest. The wall stood taller in its determination to defeat me. There was no sleep to be had the night before I flew out.
Being dropped off at the airport by my Hubby was bittersweet. Neither one of us are a morning person. The ride to the airport was quiet. My mind was on getting on the plane and a three-hour nap. Hubbies mind was still asleep.
I had read all the requirements for the wearing of masks at airports. The rules are if you want to be in an airport or on an airplane, you will have a mask on covering your mouth and nose. If you do not comply, you will be escorted out of the airport by the police.
I am not used to wearing a face mask because I do not leave the house much. I found myself waiting for over an hour with a facemask on started to cause me anxiety. Not sleeping for over forty-eight hours wasn't helping matters either.
Finally, we all boarded the plane. Three short naps, one very sore neck, and a pocket full of medication, and the plane landed. Luggage retrieved, I went outside to breathe the hot, humid air of Florida while pulling my luggage to the nearest smoking section and taking my face mask off.
A call to my mother's friend to picked me up from the airport, and I was home free.
I have spent the last three days wanding around Mom's small home. I am tired but can not sleep. I want to make some artwork, but my concentration lasts all of about 20 minutes. I find myself walking in circles around the house, stopping at each little seating area, of which there are four. My mind a blank.
With all that in mind, tonight, I made myself set up Mom's computer to log onto my Hive account and create a post. Computer ready, I did a few more laps around the small house while ideas flew through my mind but did not stick.
It was time to take back control of my mind. I was going to write a post for Hive. It might be a horrible post. So what? I have written terrible posts before and am still here to tell the tale. Just start writing. What comes out will be posted. You will then sleep and stop walking in small circles around the house.
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
