Ten years ago I became the Other Woman for a few months.
I got befriended with an old school friend on Facebook, and soon he was giving me a lot of attention. He lived in another country, so I felt it was safe to let him flirt a bit. Sure, I felt flattered, but I knew nothing could come of it. I also knew it was wrong, as he was married. As the story usually goes, he gave me the spiel about his wife not understanding him, and treating him badly (for instance, he suffers from diabetes and she couldn’t be bothered to cook him some wholesome food, and would bring home bags of sweets and eat it in front of him) etc etc, and I fell for it. For a while, anyway.
But I knew in my heart that even if she was such a horror as he wanted me to believe, it didn’t make it right. I was the one who always asked the question, “what about your wife?” All he ever said, was, “do I have to wait until a divorce before I can enjoy some happiness?” I was, like, “errrm, yes”. Yet I kept it up, because I was caught up in a situation, which was, by then, practically impossible to get out of.
I tried to break it off a few times, and every time he played on my feelings. He once even phoned my daughter and played the “poor little ol’ me” game with her too, and she was in tears as she felt so sorry for him. Another friend told me that he deserved a chance to be happy, so I must give him that chance. Yet I always felt unsure about it. I was discovering a few facets about his character that I wasn’t comfortable with. Once I went to a concert (on my own, of course) given by a Russian choir, and he was like, "you are going just so that you can mess around with other men". Errrm, no. I only had plans to go to this concert as I love Russian music.
He was manipulative and controlling. And totally selfish. It was always about him. His unhappiness, his happiness, his feelings.
Then his wife found out. I was harassed for four years by her and her daughters. I feared for my life, so much so, that I gave her address to my daughter in case something happened to me. Fortunately it stopped, as she got over her obsession with me.
I’ve asked myself a few questions afterwards:
Was it worth it? A resounding no. It wasn’t. It was the worst time of my life. Having an affair, even if it not physical but only emotional, is never worth it. And yes, it still is an affair even if you only chat to each other on a social platform. There will be some price to pay.
What would I have done if there was a “spark” on my side? I seriously don’t know. Maybe I would have given him a chance – after he got divorced. But I’m sure glad there wasn’t one. In fact, I thank God for this every single day.
What did I learn from it? To be content with my life. I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend, I don’t have anyone, only a good friend who himself doesn’t want commitment or emotional issues. But I’ve learnt to accept being alone as a fact, and as a part of my life. Especially since discovering that I suffer from Asperger's. Such a relationship would be too much for me to cope with anyway.
My advice to anyone who is contemplating having an affair, even if only for a bit of fun and excitement? Don't. Just don't, okay? And never, ever give anyone, even old friends, your telephone number or address unless you are pretty sure you want that person in your personal space.