This is the story of me, a former drug addict and lost person and how I met the woman that changed my life.
It was a time where I couldn't make most out of nothing that was going on around me and didn't know who I was, I didn't love myself, I was a brat, disguised as a wanna be cool guy, in the skin of someone purely devastated by all the wrong choices anyone can make.
I met her through common friends, the people that I was heavily involved with taking drugs with on a daily basis. She was an angel, a woman that put herself through an amazingly painful journey, a journey of deceit and lying from my side. But she took me under her wing when no one did, she pulled me out of it and I still fucked up, I broke the vow I made to not lie and she was still there, waiting for me to be fine, looking after me, took me into her home, offered me shelter even before knowing if I was worthy of anything that she had to offer.
We kissed one night and little did I know what was to come next. I was a terribly insecure person at the time, not knowing who I am, not knowing how to treat her the best way. I was 22 years old at the time, she was 27, me with absolutely no real experience of long lasting relationships as my longest commitment was about 3-4 months. She, from a background of a couple long lasting commitments and with all this set aside, she fell for me, where she could've had anyone in this world. We are talking about the most beautiful woman ever, so precious and innocent, so caring and honest. And I have fucked everything up by lying to her continuously about me taking drugs, watching porn, lost her trust and above all this, I made her insecure about the way she was dressing, I hurt her in the most horrible ways. And she still had me under her wing, took care of me and tried to regain the lost trust.
It is very difficult for me to enclose every moment of us being together, but it all had an aura of bitterness because what I have done to her.
We also had many good moments, I madly fell in love with her and still do to this very day. She brought color in my world like no one ever did before. She even took drugs with me, although it wasn't something she was interested in. And I still went behind her back, taking drugs while she was there, her not knowing of course, and taking drugs away from her as well, with my roommate at the time. We went through break-ups, terrible moments for both of us, went back together, and this happened many times. She still stuck with me. She must have seen something in me I wasn't able to bring to the surface at the time. When I didn't have a job, she took care of me, borrowed me money for cigarettes and we slowly tried to make it work. I know that against all odds, she was in love with me, even after she got thrown out of a place she was living, just because I was there with her all the time. Writing this now makes me feel very little, tremendously shameful and terribly disappointed with myself for causing such hurt. And she was still there, she was still pushing me to become a better man.
We had good times as well, parties we went to, people we met, nights we shared as we were basically living together. We did everything together, absolutely everything. Madly in love with her and having trouble dealing with myself and the heaviness of the mistakes I've made. This has lasted roughly a year and 4 months , until this very moment where she couldn't deal with it any longer. Although she loved me, of course I couldn't earn her trust overnight, something that will haunt me for the rest of my days. She still had me over to her place tonight for us to talk, as I was not able to deal with anything that was going on. She is the woman that every man should look for and not make this kind of terrible acts of terror towards.
I felt the urge of sharing this, with the hope that you will never do such things to anyone ! Go tell your girlfriend/boyfriend you love them more than anything, reassure them of the fact that you are there for them at all cost and cherish every second you have around them. Wake up and look in their eyes, if sad or happy, be there, run to them, squeeze them really, really tight, make them breakfast, hold their hand, show them how love is supposed to truly unfold.
I will continue the story in a following post, with the possibility of being considered the last person on the face of this planet you would want to read their words. But learn something out of this, something I learned too late and not just once. Forgive me
