Well since the thought of a therapist has crossed your mind, maybe you should really consider it. I believe you also have to come to terms with the fact that we are all human and putting a person on a certain level will just crush you. Just as you know yourself and the fault and struggles you have, so does this person. They are also out there trying to lookout for themselves.
You should forgive yourself, for putting so much hope in another like you should put in yourself. No one owes you anything and so they will not act the way you want them to. They will act the way they want to and you will have to accept it and move on.
Anyway, I hope you heal and learn🫶🏽