A simple post on a social media site turned into a mixture of emotions for me today. The post simply stated, ..."has lost all compassion". I wasn't quite sure what they had been aiming at with that brief post, but when I read it, it struck a cord with me.
I'd spent several hours today in a courthouse, with thoughts swirling in my head. The court appearance was for a bail hearing, and I was of two minds, as I sat there waiting for the events to unfold, and the final decision to come down. The defendant had been in trouble on two other occasions, and I felt that bail was going to be out of the question.
Deep down it was my belief that bail shouldn't be granted, not because of the severity of the crimes, although there were many charges, but the reasons those crimes were committed and carried out in the first place. It all boiled down to addiction, and i knew that if bail was granted, this person would head to the first "dealer" and be off on another spree when the funds they had ran out. More crime, more hurt for innocent people, and more hurt for those who love them, and only wish what is best for them.
Going back 40 years, when I first met my special lady, one of the first things she did, was introduce me to her son, who at the time was 4 months old. Basically, it was her rules of either you accept them both, or walk away. She'd had a very bad relationship with her sons father, with her often getting severely beaten, and even ending up in the hospital because of this, and these occurred even during her pregnancy.
Once we did get together, she had often raised her concerns, saying she thought the child may have been hurt during these beatings. It was in her mind that when he grew up, he'd be in and out of trouble.
I adopted that little boy when he was a year old, and I couldn't be more proud of that young man. He has a family, a job, and he is doing great, and has never been in any serious trouble.
So when all this trouble came up with our youngest, we were taken by complete surprise. He was the most pleasant boy when he was younger. Always smiling and laughing. It was during his high school years that everything changed. He met a girl, she got pregnant, and from there it was downhill. He was 17, she was 16, and 9 months later they were mommy and daddy to our first grandchild.
We met with the girls parents and said we would try to keep them in school and help in any way we could with the baby. Just from their manner and attitude I knew we were "singing to the choir". So my son got a job as a drywall taper, and they got an apartment.
Meanwhile, I was in a dead end job, the same one for 11 years. I had an opportunity come up, which meant we would have to move to another province. We discussed this with both of them, and her parents, and they assured us all would be fine. So off my wife and I went, hoping beyond hope all would be well.
Her parents idea of helping them, was to have my son sell drugs for them when he wasn't doing drywall work. when we would call to see how they were doing, I got a song and dance telling me that my wife and i had abandoned them... Something I think my son holds against us in his mind to this day. Something I have in the back of my mind as to what may have set him off on the path he has been following.
Today bail was denied, and even though it hurt me to see my son going through this, at the same time I felt a relief. I felt that getting out now, he would soon be back to his old ways, mainly because he is still in contact with his partner in crime, who has been acting as a go between for phone calls, (it's complicated) I know the moment he steps out from behind those bars, he will be back on the drugs, and more than likely on the run...
...Has lost all compassion... no, I haven't lost all compassion, my heart is breaking for that little boy from those many years ago, and at the same time I am as mad as hell at what has become of him. We love him, and we worry, and deep down inside us have hope that that little boy, will be all grown up and be the man we know he can...
