Am I dead? Obviously not. Do I wish I was? Kind of. I attempted suicide about ten days in a row with no success. I tried to consume so many depressant drugs that would suppress my breathing, so I could just die in my sleep. Well, apparently my brain is still smart enough to instantly force myself awake when I stop breathing and then I just wake up, gasping for air...I've probably cut off 10 years of my life by doing this for the last week and a half, but I don't care.
Want to know why I flipped out the other day, quit Twitter like Kayne, and am just sick and tired of the current state of the world?
Well, I can undoubtedly say that d-lysergic acid diethylamide can cure my depression for months on a single dose. You can get a lobotomy, have part of your brain cut out and removed, or you can have electricity shock your brain, and all of that is totally legal, but it's illegal to drop a tab of lsd. It is quite literally the only thing that alleviates my treatment resistant depression and it is illegal, so it is almost impossible to obtain, hence why I have just been trying to kill myself recently, because I cannot obtain this therapeutic medicine. I will be completely open here--I have tried probably 99% of all the anti-depressants out there, with absolutely no success.
I have tried all sorts of anti-depressants since I was about 16, when my depression started (and before my PTSD diagnosis, which would happen at 19). I'm 29yo now. I am a fully grown adult. I know how to take psychedelics, and I think they're the best tools we have for modern psychiatry. We really screwed ourselves by making psychedelics illegal, because, at least lsd, when taken properly in the right mindset and setting, can be 12 years worth of psychotherapy in 12 hours.
Also, I cannot stand the masses of idiots who consume mainstream news and get mad at the "other side", that is, left vs right, and perpetuate this really childish back-and-forth two-party duopoly, which is really a one-party system, but many people do not know this at all. Democrats frequently go along with Republicans in legislation and vice versa. Democrats fundraise for their Republican collegues and vice versa, so when I have to listen to the news that is playing on the television at work, I hear Fox News say "The left is doing this blah blah blah" and then I'll hear segments of MSNBC or CNN saying "Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump blah blah blah", and I see people getting genuinely mad at each other for something a handful of super wealthy people are doing. Why the fuck are you giving them more viewers? You DO realize that the news networks are making tons of money by literally making the masses who consume mainstream news go insane, right? I see people acting and behaving irrationally all the time in the real world all the time, now. It's like they have all developed psychosis.
The news media is never about informing you. It's about misleading you, and giving you carefully selected information that works in a propagandizing way, imbuing you with a sense of superiority and absolute dislike for the "other party". Both parties bend towards corporate interests. When the news media talks about "The left", they are stereotyping. It's why I get pissed off when someone asks me if I'm a leftist, which I am, but the "left" the media talks about is actually far-right on the political compass. It is extremely authoritarian, and has been conducting out of control spending for decades. It's time for this shit to go.
If you want to know about where you actually are in terms of left or right, go to politicalcompass.org
Edit: Most people do not like our endless wars that clearly are about regional control and resource extraction. Most people do not think the war on drugs has been effective, and clearly cannabis legalization has garned a lot of revenue and new jobs, along with the possibility of it reversing climate change if we can get it legalized nationwide, and it grows nationwide. It also takes money away from cartels. We could do this completely to the cartels. People who consume drugs are going to do so regardless of whether these drugs are illegal. So, yeah, do I sound like a hypocrite asking for lsd legalization, along with all other psychedelics, but it sounds bad if I am okay with heroin being legalized? Yes. Yes I do....but I'm not. Why? The heroin user is going to get their heroin anyway. It might as well be benefiting the taxpayers. :-\
I was getting suppressed on Twitter as well, so I felt like the best course of action was Twittercide, and also, maybe...actual suicide if it worked. But, it didn't, so this is why I am posting this. I apologize to those that have probably been genuinely worried, but I was annoyed and very depressed at the behavior of the majority of people on Twitter. Their behavior has turned extremely toxic now that we are near the midterms, and everyone who is pro Democrat or pro Republican is behaving in a very insane manner.
In a sense, Kayne is right. Twitter is not good for your mental health. I have hundreds of examples of this, if I download my archive and look at replies to me. 90% of it in 2016 and 90% of it in 2018 has been personal attacks, and it's very messed up, how adults treat one another right before these midterms. They act like 2018 is the "do or die" midterm of the millennium or something. It's not.
If Democrats win back the House and the Senate, you know what they'll do for you?
Absolutely nothing. There. Now go out and vote.
Seriously, I am being completely serious. I'm going to vote independent, but clearly, our system is so corrupt that our elections actually don't matter, and those candidates that are grassroots, run into a corporation who hands them a quarter of a million dollars, like Andrew Gillum, who just received $250,000, and is a supposed progressive.
I don't want to see establishment shit going on ever again. I keep having very vivid dreams, of the rich and powerful who run things, of their secret meetings. The reason we have a corrupt government is, is because we allowed them to bribe each other. Now, it's just all about money. The laws, are decided by big money. We can't have medicare for all in this country because of Big Pharma. Corporate capture of the government. Proof that the government works for the corporations, not the people. That's not a government at all. Wars occur because of Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and Raytheon. Your medication costs a lot because Big Pharma is going to make sure no one else will supply it.
Does everyone get it by now? Are you awake yet? This is depressing stuff, is it not? See why I had to delete Twitter? Nothing personal, but Twitter's censorship, and also subsequent mainstream toxicity and lack of critical thinking and logic winning over likes and retweets, but the stupidest shit gets the most retweets, and the most likes, is just annoying, frustrating, and a waste of time and effort. If you want to change the world and you're on Twitter and that's all you're doing, well, you need to step up your game. We all do. First of all, we should really delete Twitter--I am in agreement with Kim Dotcom. Send these plutocrats a message. Everyone--it's time to wake the fuck up. We are running out of time to create a better world for the future. We need to do something NOW. It is time to start blogging the hell out of blogging, make videos, and explode independent media. We also need to be vocal and demand a free and open internet, which...we are losing. If the internet goes, we are going to have to communicate secretly with hand-delivered notes. But then you need to ask yourself, who do you trust?
Well, it's hard to tell for me, honestly. Sometimes, super powerful people who want to control certain poor people, do so with money, and then someone gets paid to be someone else's "friend". Then there are the legitimate friends online, and then there are the bots. I had...maybe five legitimate friends on Twitter. Everyone else was just too distant. We need to stop distancing ourselves to try and boost our own egos, and just make a collective ego to improve the world. We should have medicare for all. We should have a living wage. We should eliminate our imperialism around the world. We should switch to renewable energy completely....immediately. We need to scale back our impact on the world's climate and mitigate it. The war on vegetables is dumb and should end.
If you agree with those things then you're a true progressive...and I don't know where they're all going to, but we need to flock together. Maybe that's the significance of the Bernie birdie that famously appeared on his podium. That's the call. It's a call to flock together...much like birds. Bernie is not going to lead the charge here, I don't think. We need to. That's what he told us. So let's crank up independent media, start producing more of our own media, and come together stronger. Our voices need to be heard, and not suppressed. Most people can work together with most other people. Mobilize.
