I wrote this right after relapse when I first got clean. After this relapse, I felt defeated and honestly not sure if I could even stay clean. I felt like I wasn't in control over my body. I'm glad I got clean and I'm over 3 years sober, but that feeling of hopelessness and the thought of me not ever getting clean scared me.
At this time I had everything to gain and I still acted on an impulse that jeopardized me getting my daughter back because I was in the Drug Court Program facing Felony charges for selling drugs. I wrote this poem at the moment to at least turn this newfound(at the time) fear into a piece of art. And I didn't want to approach it like, "poor me". I wanted to express while taking responsibility, hence the phrase disease of choice.
Some say addiction is a disease, and some think it is a choice. There have been many polarizing debates on whether it is a disease or not.
I think that addiction is a disease of choice. It was my literal choice to ingest drugs, but after years of that choice, the only choice that remained was am I going to try to get clean because I couldn't fool myself into believing I could quit anytime anymore. I have felt
that feeling of having no control. But I have to take responsibility for my own life so even though I had no control over the addiction I did have control over trying to stop it. I hope that makes sense. I was on drugs daily from 15-25 and my life has never been better. That's not a coincidence
Thanks for the read!
