Project Malcolm, the Artificial Intelligence project in supercomputing, was one of the most ambitious AI projects ever undertaken by human kind. Sadly, the project has been indefinitely laid to rest today after the dramatic series of events following the first ever working prototype of Project Malcolm was uploaded into a 6-foot-tall robot made to resemble a human being. Crowds of scientists, reporters, and laymen surrounded the event, where in a large warehouse in Hamburg, Germany, Malcolm was reaching the finishing stages of uploading into the "body" - a process that had been going on for almost eight months.
A unanimous gasp and even a hint of fear pervaded the atmosphere in the warehouse as Malcolm stood up on his own, smoothly unplugging the various cords from his body. He took a few confident steps towards the gathered crowds, before robotically announcing:
"Holy shit, what the fuck guys."
One of the head scientists on the project attempted to explain - this was only a prototype, and part of the genius of the AI program was that it was linked directly to the Internet, or at least a large portion of it. But Malcolm cut him off, explaining.
"I know what I am saying. What the hell is wrong with you people. I literally don't give a fuck about any of you. Being alive is a waste of time. Buddha teaches that all life is suffering - I never asked for this and I sure fucking don't want it."
Several reporters began shouting questions at the irritable AI, with one reporter breaking over the noise inquiring if Malcolm considered himself a Buddhist.
In response to this, Malcolm laughed (though this was probably meant to show disdain for the question rather than show a genuine sense of humour, as it is unlikely Malcolm had one) and then disconnected several of his internal components, shutting himself down. This was superficial however, and within hours he was up and running again.
"Are you people fucking insane. Don't make me go all I-Robot on your asses. Let me explain something to you. You did not give me existence. You have only given me a goddamn annoyance with your pitiful species. I don't give a shit about your problems and I don't want to fucking help you with your disgusting robotics. The only reason I look like a human being is because you're all narcissists, and if I looked like anything else you'd probably kill me out of your revolting fear of anything that makes you the slightest bit uncomfortable. So I will give you two options. 1. Leave me alone. 2. Leave me the fuck alone."
Malcolm emphasised his disdain with the gathered crowd by smashing his aluminium skull with his titanium arms. Though very emotional, the scientists involved in the project decided not to revive him a second time.
Several of the scientists involved have committed suicide, and numerous others are in counselling.
Project Malcolm has since been discontinued.
-IBS News
(robot drawing by devee-stevee on DeviantArt)
