Farmer: "Gentlemen. I'd like to present the ultimate plant-based protein technology."
Investor 1: "We're listening."
Farmer: "It converts inedible plant matter into complete protein. Grass, cornstalks, brewery waste, vegetable peelings. Anything cellulose-rich that humans can't digest."
Investor 2: "Energy requirements."
Farmer: "Sunlight."
Investor 2: "For the plant matter, you mean."
Farmer: "And for the conversion. Same sunlight. Reused."
Investor 3: "Heating costs for the bioreactor."
Farmer: "None. The unit holds 38.5 degrees year-round on its own."
Investor 1: "Failure rate."
Farmer: "Self-repairing. The unit also replicates once a year at no additional cost."
Investor 3: "Replicates."
Farmer: "Produces a smaller version of itself. Which becomes a full unit."
Investor 2: "Net carbon."
Farmer: "Neutral. The carbon in goes back to the air the grass pulled it from. Round and round, same atoms, no new ones added."
Investor 1: "And the waste output."
Farmer: "Twenty tonnes of soil enrichment per unit per year. The waste is also a product."
Investor 2: "This would obliterate Beyond Meat."
Farmer: "It already has. They just don't know yet."
Investor 1: "Where can we see one."
Farmer: "There are about 1.5 billion currently deployed. Have been for ten thousand years."
[silence]
Investor 3: "It's a cow, isn't it."
Farmer: "It's a cow."
Investor 2: "We were promised plant-based."
Farmer: "The plant goes in one end. I don't know what else you wanted."
@ Sama Hoole, found on X
