She never wanted to be a mother. At least not yet.
Gulping down another cup of coffee, Maria grits her teeth as the heat from the cup burns her tongue.
She'd told Mark that she wanted to be a career woman, and he was fine with it. He was the one who woke up early to prepare the kids for school.
She'd wake up, do the dishes and then make a light breakfast for the entire family.
Mark prepared lunch and dinner. When she got back home the kids were usually fast asleep and all she had to do was kiss them goodnight.
She loved her children, she still does, she'd smile when Kimberly babbled her name, or when Christian called her “Babe!” like Mark did.
She looked forward to their birthdays and Christmas so she could get gifts for them and take them to the park where their endless shrieks of laughter would melt her poor heart.
They used to be so happy.
Well, that was eleven years ago when Mark was alive and the kids were five and three respectively.
Now Christian's sixteen and Kimberly’s fourteen. She doesn't know or understand either of them. She never has.
Christian now has these awkward tattoo drawings on his arm and he even got braces without her consent. She thinks he has the most beautiful set of teeth. What did he need braces for?
But Christian's braces are the least of her problems. Right now, Kimberly's missing. She's been missing for the past twelve hours and nobody, not even her best friend Shyla, knows where she is.
The kitchen door swings open just as she's pouring herself another cup of coffee. It's Linda, Shyla’s mom. Linda and Shyla have been with her since the day before when Kim was declared missing. Shyla didn't even go to school today so she could know the progress of the search as it unfolded.
Linda throws her arms open the moment Maria turns around. Maria succumbs to her arm embrace, leaning her heavy head on the other woman's shoulders.
“Have you heard back from Christian?” Linda whispers into her ears.
“Not yet. He promised to call every hour, it's been two hours and he's not even taking his calls. These kids honestly want to run me crazy.”
“Take it easy, Ria. Maybe he's just busy. I'm sure he'll call you back when he can.”
“I just want my baby back, I don't care about anything else. I want Kimberly back home so we can yell at each other like we've been doing for the past six months.” Linda's arms wrap warmly around her.
“It's going to be okay…”
Maria pulls herself away, “Am I a good mother, Lin? Do you think I deserve to be the mother of these kids? Why did Mark have to die? If he were here he'd know what to do. He'd know how to handle them so they wouldn't become this defiant.”
Linda nudges Shyla out of the kitchen with a flick of her head.
“Listen Ria, you're a good mom. You work so hard to provide the best life your kids can get. That's as good as good can get.”
A buzz from the kitchen table interrupts their emotional moment.
“Hello?” Maria wipes tears from her gray eyes as she picks up the phone.
“Maria, right?’ The voice at the other end is familiar but she can't put a finger on the owner at the moment. She places the call on speaker phone as Linda mouths the instructions.
“Yes, this is Maria. Who are you?”
“Let's just say I'm the guy who's going to help you to be a better mom. I have a couple of questions for you, if you can get them correctly, then I'll let your daughter come home in fifteen minutes.”
Linda nods at her to urge him on.
“I'll do anything, please send my daughter home.”
“Good. Question one. What is Kimberly’s favorite food?”
Maria blinks furiously, taken aback by such silly question.
“What does that have to do with releasing my daughter?...”
“Madam, you have thirty seconds per question. The earlier you respond, the better.”
“Err….oats?”
“I'd like you to know that your daughter has written all the answers to the questions on a piece of paper and oats is not her favorite food. It's potato fries and hot pepper sauce.”
“What!” Linda shrugs when Maria turns to her for help.
“Question two. What's the name of her favorite author? She said she wants to be a writer and she has someone she's looking up to. Who's that?”
“I never knew she wanted to become a writer,” Maria rubs her eyes with her fingers tiredly.
“Oh, you didn't? Awesome. That means you don't know the answer. Question three. What do you think she wants for her birthday this year?”
Maria shakes her head defeatedly. “What does a fourteen year old want? Maybe a makeup set? A full lengthed mirror? A new wardrobe? The latest iphone?”
“No, Maria. She wants a whole collection of books from her favorite author who you do not know. Congratulations, Maria. You officially failed the mother test.”
“Look, I don't know who you are…I just…look, give me my baby back. Please.” Her voice is shaking now.
“Why should I? You know nothing about this kid and she doesn't even like you. I could keep her with me and make her happy forever.”
Maria bows her head, sobbing into her palms.
“Dad would've wanted you to do better. Of course you never wanted kids but you have them now. The least you could do is love them. Pay attention to them. They're just two of them and you can't even do a great job!”
She stops sobbing for a moment. Why did he say dad? Then the voice clicks in her head.
“Christian, is that you? Are you the one holding your sister hostage?”
“Mom, no one's being held hostage. We're both somewhere we think we'd do better since you have absolutely no time for us. Maybe you'd enjoy your life better without us in it.”
“Wait…Christian….hello?”
No one responds from the other end. The line is dead.
“What in the world…” she begins to yell, but Linda goes around to hold her shoulders.
“Ria, these kids are trying to show you that they need you. Yes, you've been trying so hard to give them a good life but what if they don't care about the money?”
She scoffs before exploding with laughter. “They don't care about the money and yet Christian has the Benz I got for his birthday this year. Kimberly's using an iphone fifteen pro max and an apple laptop. They're the envy of their peers!”
She shrugs Linda's hand off her shoulders and begins to pace the kitchen. “If they didn't want all the things I got them, why didn't they ever reject it? They accepted them with smiles on their faces and ingratitude in their hearts. If they think they'd be better off without me, then good. I never wanted kids anyway”
Linda shakes her head. “It’s not about what you want, Ria. These kids have a will too. They want something. If you decide to change your mind, I can talk to them for you.” then she walks away, calling for Shyla to come with her.
Maria sits up all night in that kitchen replaying Christian's words in her head.
So Kimberly wanted to become a writer? And she'd already begun making plans for her to go to Oxford. Christian already said he wanted to go to Harvard so that was settled.
And her favorite food was potatoes? Maria shakes her head. She's been living with two strangers and never realized it because she's been too busy.
At least now she knew something about Kimberly. What about Christian? What did he love? What did he want?
She'd seen him countless times in the yard shooting a ball into the net Mark hung many years ago. Was that what he wanted? To plan basketball?
She sighs and picks her phone up. It couldn't be that hard to find out what they want, right?
Then she dials Christian's phone. This time, he picks up.
“Don't ask where we are.” Her eyes dart to the wristwatch on her hand. It's 2 am and she's not supposed to know where her kids are. Nice.
“That's not why I called. I want to know what you want.”
He chuckles dryly at the other end. “What does knowing do for you? Ease your conscience?”
“Christian Mark Judason, you don't get to speak to me that way.”
“Well sorry mom, but I do. You're only bearing the title of mother but you're not a mother to us. You don't even know us. I have to step up and be both the father and mother to Kimberly because you're always absent.” He takes a pause,
“Do you know that my mates mocked me for being a babysitter when we were much younger? When dad was alive he stood in for you and I've been doing same since he died. When will you step up and be the mother to your kids?”
Maria's never heard her son speak this way. “So what do you want from me?”
“I want you to want us. You already have us and we're all you have. Just put in a little effort. Know us, spend time with us. Just be our mother.”
Maria bites her lower lip as tears gather in her eyes. He's right. She's never for once thought there was more to being a mother than pushing out babies. Maybe it's time for her to find out now.
“I'm not making promises to be perfect but I'll try my best. And if you kids can come home then we can sort this thing out together.”
She hears him sniffle on the other end. “We'll be home tomorrow.”
Ps: image is not mine
