Two years ago, I read a strange book. The title (or concept) might sound frou-frou to you, but there’s an underlying principle that has a huge impact on your day-to-day life.
A Brief Summary of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up"
In her book, author Marie Kondo shares “the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing” to find harmony with your possessions. First, Kondo explains that you need to pick up and hold each item you own, down to the last sock. With this instruction, she explains how to go through your belongings by category in a specific order—clothing, books, paper, miscellaneous items, and mementos. (She breaks down each category a bit further, so they're more manageable.)
The important underlying concept is that, with each item, you ask yourself, “Does this bring me joy?” Be honest about whether it really makes you happy, or if you’re just holding onto it for another reason (i.e. it was a gift, you might need it years from now, and so on). If you’re really trying to enjoy a more minimalistic, clutter- and frustration-free life, her explanations for those typical hang-ups are quite valuable.
For example, if your mom gives you a sweater you don’t like, you shouldn’t keep it just because it might hurt her feelings that you got rid of it. The item fulfilled its purpose when it was gifted. Your mother got the joy of giving you something, and you felt her love and thoughtfulness when you received it. As Kondo explains, now it’s time to thank the sweater and send it off into the world (donate, sell, give away, trash).
If you’re interested in a more in-depth summary, I recommend reading this review. Or, better yet, read the book itself! (Cost is less than $5 used) Even if you don’t plan on getting rid of a thing, you won’t be sorry.
The Concept I’ll Never Forget
While I absolutely do appreciate the cleansing benefits that came from getting rid of the “junk” that caused me stress and bogged down my home, I’ve noticed more lasting effects on my life. This concept of, “does it bring you joy?” extends into other areas of life. I’ll call this the “Joy Principle” from now on.
Once I got the hang of asking it as I moved through the categories of my belongings, I started asking it elsewhere. Does this friendship bring me joy? Does my job bring me joy? Do my workouts bring me joy?
Quick Sidenote
Before I go on, I want to address the thought that might have popped into your mind just now... “Sure, you’re not going to enjoy EVERYTHING in life. Such a Millennial thing to say. Sometimes, you have to endure the less desirable things to get the things that bring you joy.” I completely agree with you. In fact, I recently wrote a post on how to avoid procrastination and instant gratification.
So anyway, I was asking this question in other areas of my life. It wasn’t intended to immediately end friendships, quit my job, or stop exercising. On the contrary. I really wanted to be more mindful about the “junk” I was carrying around elsewhere.
You Have a Finite Amount of Energy
You see, Kondo explains that every time you come across an item that doesn’t serve a purpose for you (or worse, causes you stress because it’s broken, frustrating to use, or in the way of something you really want, etc.), it chips away at that energy. Sometimes, even looking at something steals some of your energy.
Consider that pile of bills and junk mail you’ve been rolling your eyes at each day. Or, where is that shirt you really want to wear? In the closet? No. Under this pile of clothes? No. Ugh, forget it, I’ll wear something else.
Energy Thieves Add Up
Before reading this book, I would have argued that the little moments that steal your energy are no big deal. So what if I have to search for a shirt? That happens sometimes. And what am I supposed to do about that pile of papers? I don’t have time for that. But the thing is... these moments really do add up. And they keep you from being your best self.
Every moment you spend irked, bothered, irritated, stressed, or some other positive-energy-stealing emotion—even the ones you’ve become so accustomed to they’re unconscious now—is a moment of happiness wasted. After a long day of robberies from thief after thief, your brain doesn’t have the positive, creative, intellectual energy to do the things you really want to do.
The More I Asked, The More “Junk” I Found
When I started asking, “Does this friendship bring me joy? Does my job bring me joy? Do my workouts bring me joy?” and so on, the game totally changed. I realized there were a LOT more energy thieves in my life than I realized: toxic, one-sided friendships; co-workers who were a terrible influence on me; and an unhealthy body image that was leading to excessive exercise.
The cleansing process was brutal. Pulling away from toxic friendships was met with a lot of resistance; getting on the right career path was a long, tedious process; and working on “me”....well, that one made me doubt just about everything I thought was right in the world.
Ultimately, it’s taken me two years to get my life to a “decluttered” point where each thing in it brings me joy (or I’m on the right path to get there). Despite the struggles, I’m so thankful to have read “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because it gave me a tool I can continue to use for the rest of my life.
How YOU Can Use the Joy Principle
The important thing to remember is that this isn’t a one-off kind of thing. Just because you get into a fight with your friend, doesn’t mean the whole friendship doesn’t bring you joy. I recommend following these 3 rules:
Initially, ask yourself if a relationship, event, or area of your life brings you joy. Take a mental (or physical) note of your answer.
Take steps to remedy the situation. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation with a person to explain why you are feeling unhappy and considering possible solutions together. Maybe it’s a conversation with your boss about changing your work schedule to avoid traffic. Don’t expect things to change on their own; you need to take responsibility for your part.
After a period (you decide what seems right based on the situation), ask yourself again if it brings you joy and reassess how you feel. If nothing has changed or you still feel like it’s a negative situation, it might be time to thank the friendship, job, event, etc. for serving its purpose in your life and let it go.
Did This Post Bring You Joy?
I really hope you’ve enjoyed this. It’s a post that I’ve wanted to write for a while because this concept is so meaningful and truly special to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Please upvote and follow if you’ve found joy here today. ❤️
@sharingeverybite
