Ok, since i have mentioned it already in first post, lets clear it up.
I find it usefull, good and helping to me and others who don't have many people to talk with about their problem. Talk is important in this case. Same for those who suffer some condition and also for those who live in proximity of people who have it. Both sides need support, understanding and help to make life functional and easier.
Lets get on it!!
Mental Institution??
In the early morning on xx.xx.2012 i woke up around 6:00. Still didn't open my eyes.
My wife was silently walking while checking if i was awake or sleep on sofa in a living room.
I pretended for a few seconds and she went in other room where she was typing something on computer.
Doors were closed. I could smell wine.
We usually din't have alcohol at home, but there was one bottle that we got as marriage gift years earlier.
Usually it was on cabinet in the corner of the kitchen but wasn't opened till that morning.
As i walked in to direction of bathroom i noticed half empty bottle on the cabinet trough the opened kitchen doors.
I was aware that our marriage has gone bad and has no help anymore.
Went in bathroom, did my action, washed face, brushed teeth.. and came back in living room.
I lied back on sofa and decided to wait. That moment i just didn't react.
I had to think about it. About all related consequences.
I had to know how bad situation is, even this wasn't first time, it seemed like it might be last.
I was lying on the sofa.
She came in room and standing in front of me informed me that she doesn't love me anymore.
She said that she cheated on me, and she whant a divorce.
It took few minutes for her to say some more things and than i walked out of apartment.
As a result?
Yes, nervous breakdown. Said wrong sentences and i was on my way to Mental hospital. That was how i got there...
Now.
That experience is something that i whan't to share.
I find it really important for anyone who is struggling with some condition. Society seems supportive but actually, what people mostly do, is they ignore.
I was accepted in the hospital arround midnight in alcoholized condition and under influence of marijuana. Calm and cooperative, fully aware of situation i am in.
Signed volontary treatmant and ended on Closed wing of Mental Hospital.
During my hospitalization it was discovered that i have Personality Disorder (not posible to determine since when, but most likely since teenage age, and probablly caused by stress and events brought by war that was happening in my country 15-20 years before.
I was evaluated, tested, observed, medicated, and all that goes in treatment on that wing.
After a month i was released back home. Doctor was expecting to come back in Hospital really short after release, since i had to face full destruction of my life with one month delay. It was expected that ill have new breakdown.
Up on my return in hometown i faced my fears about facts i have managed to find out while i was away.
Facts that business that i was running with my wife is closed, contract for apartment that we lived canceled, and town where i came back i already explaned in first post.
In that month of my hospitalization many stories were made up and advertized.
Most of people changed opinion about me so much that i couldn't recognise them as people i knew before.
In that moment I barely could say i had friends.
Now i have to say few words about results that came out of that experience.
HOSPITAL:
Many memories that i have from there are scary, but those few that i remember with joy are actually rediculusly funny. Im going to tell you that there is no party like in a Nuthouse if you manage to get one.
I was accommodated in a wing that is part of old military fort with closed central area. Proper castle.
Building was split in 4 wings. In 1.st floor were alcohol addicts separated in male and female wing, with liberty of walking around hospital property.
Lower area was separated in two "closed" wings.
One wing was holding heavy medicated patients who basically couldn't talk properly how medicated were sometimes. Reasons why so hard medication of people?
Many. Some legit, some not. But scary to see how bad it can be. As long person is placed on that wing there is no exits and only supervised visits.
I was in second wing there, with 60-70 people who were placed in all together 5 or 6 rooms.
We shared that closed area with other wing, but in shifts.
We could talk and some cigarettes trades trough the windows with bars were happening but no mixing, just like in jail.
Rarely and only few could go out from our wing to buy things in hospital cantina-shop.
To get to that status you had to show enough reasons for personel to trust you and obey all rules they make in there.
My room had 9 beds with small cabinet next to bed. I guess i was lucky to get bed close to window since it was summer. Average temperature was around 32 and only two days was raining while i was there.
My day was made of:
- waking up, morning hygiene, breakfast, doctors visit
- taking medication, going for a work therapy (doing some crafts in basement for one hour)
- return for lunch, medication, exit if you have it or TV room
- afternoon work therapy, dinner, medication
In this constant routine i added a lot of showering, sun tanning :) while i was reading some book's, playing chess and talk with other who have same disorder to collect experience.
I'w learned all that I could about my disorder there.
I consider that month of being there as one of most important things in my life and i wouldn't trade it for anything... Only i also wouldn't repeat it.
This is just part of that experience. Ill upgrade it more as discussion and memories come.
Ask questions if you have.
Since than many things happened and changed.
Thank You