In this article you will learn:
The reasons for children's lies;
What lies at different ages;
How to respond to childhood lies.
Us from the cradle inspired the unshakable truth: lying is bad. Society, irrespective of national culture, strongly condemns and punishes liars. But, to eliminate this defect could not even any people. Yes, cheating is bad, but to hear the slander unpleasant. Especially shocking when the words of untruth shed your own child. He was explaining the truths about "what is good and what is bad."
Why is the child lying? Really, the efforts proved futile, the family grows little liar? And over time, white lie will begin shameless Mature cheating? Really early to panic. Find out what caused the desire your child to speak the truth. Understand the nature of children's lies, it is possible to suppress a negative trait at the stage of nucleation.
Lie as a way of adapting to society
Condemning children for libel, we adults forget about their own behavior. Even in the most respectable society is righteous, every day not committed shameful from the moral point of view action. Why? Lie various forms is firmly rooted in the minds of everyone and became the integral term of communication. Flattery, concealment, exaggeration, distortion of facts, slander are ways of adapting the individual to the conditions of certain social groups.
Agree, it is intolerable to talk with the opponent, cutting the plain truth everywhere at every opportunity. If you are well educated, well aware of where you can be silent, or conversely to downplay embellish. Such manipulations facilitate the dialogue, smooth out sharp angles, provide a level of comfort and personal safety. In other words, help us to survive.
The average inhabitant of the planet is lying to 4 times per day. What about the kids who just learn the rules of the game called "life"? So, let's set aside the conviction and delve into the situation from the point of view of psychology.
Varieties
It is impossible to condemn a child and a teenager for deceit. Older generations also lie for material wealth, recognition, love. Depending on the motives that encourage children to lie, experts divide the lie into several types.
Justification. A measure taken to avoid punishment or conflict.
Manipulations "for the good." They help defuse tense situations. Sometimes they look like an innocent joke, funny absurdity.
Scam. Deliberate misrepresentation of facts to achieve benefits.
Boasting. Exaggeration of one’s own qualities, attribution of non-existent privileges.
Fancy. Psychologists do not attribute this type of invention to lies. Moreover, experts urge parents to encourage the child, helping in this way to develop imagination and creative skills.
Each of the manifestations of lies is controlled by the instinct of self-preservation, that is, a deeply positive intention. For this reason, it is common for a person to lie regardless of age. But, this fact does not justify the baby, requires close monitoring by the parent. Otherwise, you risk releasing a qualified and sophisticated manipulation master into society.
Why is the child cheating?
The reasons for becoming a long-nosed Pinocchio in a small person are enough. This is facilitated by an unfavorable psychological atmosphere, inharmonious relations with elders, as well as complexes. Consider each of the reasons in more detail.
He does not reach the set bar
Often his parents, wanting to grow an outstanding genius from their offspring, make him exaggerated demands. To meet expectations, you have to cheat. The lie is manifested in concealing the facts of failures, ascribing to oneself non-existent merits. The consequences put a lot of pressure on the child, which only grows over the years. Parents will receive a result opposite to expectations: an insecure person without goals and a lethargic personality, prone to depression.
He does not trust you
This is the most common cause of childhood lies. The crisis of mistrust arises from the inconsistency and inconsistency of parents in the manifestations of feelings. For good deeds should be followed by praise, for a mistake - a comment or punishment. Lack of praise, untimely punishments cause the child to get lost, which provokes cheating.
You are too strict
The concept of "hold tight" is familiar to you. Of course, discipline is important. But, a small defenseless person should not be afraid of you. It makes you lie out of fear of punishment. How to fix the situation? Show your love and tenderness more often. Without changing your attitude, get a person who will relate to their own heirs, based on your model of behavior.
Guilty deception
Revise your views on parenting if your vocabulary contains the phrases “You kill me with your disobedience”, “I will lose my mind”, “You will drive me into the grave”. The kid takes your words literally and forms a feeling of involvement in your troubles. Why is the child lying? He is trying to save you. Do not lay this burden on the little man. Responsibility for own reactions should be borne only by an adult.
Manifestations of deception at different ages
With the development of perception, the growing man accepts the conditions in which he finds himself and acts according to circumstances. At different ages, the distortion of facts has its own characteristics.
24 years
At this stage, the formation of a picture of the world. Being at a tender age, the baby fantasizes a lot, draws his own reality. As a rule, all his dreams are harmless in nature, since there is no need to lie.
45 years
He still does not know how to distinguish truth from lies. But following the example of the elders begins to practice in the art of fiction. Unfaithful adults form a similar pattern of children's behavior. Therefore, the distortion of facts is perceived by them as the norm. At five, the kids cheat without much need. It occurs when a young man is faced with disapproval. In this case, it is important to build trust with the child. He will no longer need to hide the truth and be afraid of you. Of course, you have to stop lying with a child.
7 - 8 years old
The turning point in life. It is associated with entering a school and introducing into a new unfamiliar environment. At the same time, the elementary school student receives partial freedom from parental control. In a society of their own kind there is often a desire to appear better, bolder, stronger, more beautiful. The easiest way to achieve this effect is boasting. And trying to conceal bad grades or bad behavior in the classroom, a young schoolboy resorts to silence. Hurry to catch the moment when the situation is not out of control and take action in time. Show the little student that he is no worse than others, and you will love and accept him regardless of the grades in the diary.
9 to 10 years
Lies are harmless so far. A schoolboy wants peer attention, and he invents for them exciting stories about his adventures. Sometimes the kid lies about the presence of a luxury car or a prestigious job with his parents, and boasts of gadgets that he really does not have. But, even in this case, the “alarm” button should not be hit. Remember your childhood. Each of us exaggerated our significance in the eyes of peers. The main thing is to control the situation and stop the child in time if his lie goes beyond what is permitted.
11 - 12 years old
Age of formation of personal space. The desire to be recognized in your circle is especially acute right now. At 11-12 years, the offspring sees a clear line between truth and falsehood. Consequently, he will lie deliberately, pursuing a specific goal. What to do? Understand where the roots of deception grow from. Perhaps a teenager who has a transitional age, at some point ceased to trust you. Think about whether you expect too much from your child? Do you show open aggression in upholding the truth? You can establish a shaky relationship with a teenager by resorting to the help of a good psychologist. If measures are not taken in time, each year the child will hone his deception skills and completely get out of control.
What to do with Pinocchio?
Do not blame. The young man defends his framework, wants to keep secrets of a personal nature, to prove that he is a full member of society. Add the fear of humiliation here without the ability to give an equivalent rebuff. This is stress and a great burden for the fragile psyche. That is why, encountering aggression and misunderstanding on the part of loved ones, the teenager finally closes.
To wean a child from lying, use the advice of psychologists:
Find the reason. The success of the struggle depends on its correct definition.
Talk heart to heart. Your dialogue should be built on a trusting understanding.
Chat face-to-face. This will reduce the psychological distance between you.
Do not make a tragedy out of deception. We all lie.
Become an example of an honest person for a child. It acts more efficiently than moralizing, and also reinforces the result.
Leave the power of parenting in the past. Violent actions will only aggravate the situation, making you enemies.
If you can’t cope with the problem yourself, from 10 years old it is advisable to show the child to a psychologist.