I never decided that I was strange or different. I merely look at the behaviors of whatever people do and find that my own behavioral patterns don’t seem to match MOST people in MOST situations.
This leads me to conclude that there is something different about me, fundamentally different because there are just too many things that are different.
It’s not like I was born different but the people around me function based off different assumptions than I do and build their lives around those different assumptions.
Many people see that I am acting different than others and assume that I’m doing it intentionally, that I want to stand out or be unique and it’s never been like that. (Ok, maybe there was a short period in high school where I got off on feeling I was smarter than others, but I’ve been over that for years.)
I’d much rather have 30-40% of the population to relate to and find my team, but I can’t force it, I’ve tried and it doesn’t feel right. I like how I am, and while I’d love more allies, I don’t plan on hiding or changing how I am. I’m not sure I’m capable but anyway, I don’t want to.
I’m not strong in my convictions because I’m stubborn. I’ve tested them all, countless times! That’s why it’s so hard for me to go along with “common wisdom” that I disagree with. I don’t see individual people testing these common assumptions in their own life like I do.
What are these assumptions?
It’s hard to explain them because they are EVERYWHERE but here is an example:
When someone tells me some information, for example “it takes 10 years to learn Chinese”, I dont believe them or disbelieve them. This computes to me as “It took SOMEONE 10 years to learn Chinese”. It doesn’t mean it will take me 10 years to learn. It could take me 2 or 20. I need more information.
But I also listen to my gut and my gut tells me, anything you can do in 10 years can probably be done in 5 if you change the method or mindset.
This reliance on gut is where I differ greatly from all the science obsessed overly educated people out there (although probably not all of the scientists, the good ones anyway).
I’ll ask myself “what does it mean to learn Chinese and how much does this definition apply to me and my goals?” I’ll ask “Who are these people who studied and how do they learn?” I don’t care much about their scores in school like most of the scholars might. It’s not insignificant information, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t believe that those scores are capable of measuring the complexities of the human spirit and all it’s capable of.
Were these people exposed to Chinese culture?
Were they interested in it?
Did they start attempting conversation right away or did they wait until they knew a ceetain amount?
Could they speak any orher languages before?
How close or openminded are they?
What are their interests and hobbies?
What time do they go to alwep and wake up?
What is their diet like?
What are their beliefs about themselves?
Are they confident?
What is their confidence based on?
Do they hace supportive family and friends?
How likely are they to think outside the box?
Science as a method is meant to test for as many variables as it can, but there are far to many variables to measure and even if you had AI to do it, you’d need to rely on humans to identify thousand upon thousands of variables and all of these variables would have to be measurable in an objective way, and there is often no objective way to measure things, we only have models to do so and no model is perfect.
I find scientifically minded people far too eager to believe that everything can be measured well and unaware of how their models are all based on the assumption that these things can be measured.
The models are useful, but they don’t provide anything absolute. And for me, it’s far enough from absolute that I don’t want to fill my head with data.
And so this is where I differ from people. I think like a scientist but in the end, I trust my gut. Always. I analyze everything from as many angles as possible and try to get as much information as I can that feels relevent, check my own potential blind spots and in the end, the conclusions made by science are merely suggestions. I may agree or disagree with those suggestions, based on my judgement of how accurately these things can be measured
More importantly, not everything needs to be 100% methodical and procedural and in my experience, much of the magic of life and the solutions to problems are discovered in chaos, without following any mental models.
It is only in the chaotic approach of an artist that we can discover something completely revolutionary.
And so I don’t worry much about the science. It’s interesting. It can be valuable. There should be people checking these things and sharing their results. But I don’t need to immerse myself in research and adjust the way I think with every study that has a reputable author.
I don’t actually read scientific papers much at all, but I am interested in ideas and counter ideas and seeing which of these ideas are more consistent in my observable reality.
Whenever approaching something, I start with my own gut instinct combined with trial and error based assessments and observation. If something isn’t going as I like or doesn’t make sense, I tweak a bit and see what happens. I look at other people and what works for them and this is where I look at the science and see if there is anything I can learn from it.
This information becomes a tool for me to improve something but I will never put absolute faith in it.
With all the complexity, there is always something that we miss. No matter how hard we try, no measurement system will ever be perfect. An IQ test is a measure of intelligence according to a certain framework. Now there are newer and more flexible frameworks, and even those are far from perfect.
I find people incredibly eager to cling to something definite and absolute and measurable but I find that incredibly dangerous and unreliable.
From an outside perspective, you have people framing their entire lives based on imperfect frameworks and then putting down others with different frameworks.
The problem is not the frameworks, it’s the desire to completely rely on frameworks and forgetting the magic and mystery of life in the process. It’s the inability to move between frameworks.
If I have an overlying framework, its the magic and mystery of life, and I am constantly testing and questioning it, It has proven itself an endless river of information and inspiration.
This is where I really take it a step further than most people are willing to entertain…
Science generally takes into assumption that there is an objective reality and it doesn’t value subjective experience nearly as much….
…but if we are truly going to think like a scientist, we need to be honest with ourselves. We can only be sure of the appearance of an objective reality. We have no idea if it truly exists or not.
Most scientists will ignore anything they can’t test in a way that is replicable. This is where I rely on my gut. I try to function with awareness that I do not know if an objective universe exists. I do not assume it does not exist. But i have evidence pointing both ways. Inconclusive.
This is untestable. There is absolutey no way to know if everything is just happening in our minds. It’s much safer to assume it’s not, but we can never know.
Recently the simulation hypothesis is more popular but my gut tells me something else is possible and likely even.
I find the healthiest place to be is allowing for all possibilities, but it’s a very scary place to be for some. Not only does it inlcude ideas that we associate with menta illness and dangerous cults but if we lean too far in that direction it can lead to erratic behavior.
I mean…just imagine trying to function in life assuming that no one else is real… if everyone did it…you can imagine the horror.
But just because going too far in one direction is potentially dangerous, doesn’t mean going too far in the other is healthy or will lead to a better outcome.
The best answers are often found in the balance of two opposing ideas.
It’s ok not to know for certain. Not everything can be measured accurately.
We don’t have a conclusive definition of life. We don’t understand what consciousness is. We may never understand these things fully and that’s ok.
Be open to the magic and make use of the information you have, whether its objective or subjective. Never lean to far in one direction and you’ll discover that science is really awesome but there is so much that it does not and can not account for. All we can do is keep trying to bridge our subjective experience with the collective.
At least that’s how I feel. And that’s why I am such a “weirdo”. I love trying to find patterns and objective truths but I can put then aside to appreciate the things that words can’t even begin to describe, let alone science.
This was originally going to be a post about how I approach social media and work and social situations differently from other people but I guess that’s for another day!
And join me on twitch to talk about deep shit while playing RPG games in Japanese :-D