A few days ago, I was searching for something in my journal and just decided to go through my 2021 journaling. It was a torrent of emotions.
So, 2021, I was in a relationship, an unhappy one for me. Anyone going through my journaling wouldn't guess the true emotions I had at the time because I was all about positivity and wasn't going to let the bitterness I had at the time reflect in my words. It was a different case if you'd seen me, I was visibly disturbed. Going through my journals was priceless because the growth was evident. If anyone asks me what I'm most grateful for today, it'd be growth.
Though I didn't write exact words about how I felt, for every memory I remember the occasion and emotions coursing through me. Sometimes I still feel agitated about it but I guess it comes with the package.
BUT, one thing I realized even in my agitation is, would I like to go back to such a situation? Definitely not. But would I skip those times if I could, no I wouldn't. I might change some decisions I made, but no I'd never change those events, because as the law of motion states, a body will remain in state of inertia unless acted upon by an external force. And just like many other people, heartbreak was the push I needed. I would've been so cool with the wrong decisions I made on a regular basis, seeing no need to actually make better ones since someone could put up with them. Turned out we were both messed up, one more than the other of course😂 (yeah, I'm being sentimental).
They say what actually matters when you're going through a bad time is what you do with the situation. I didn't do the right thing at all times but those times made me closer to certain people. People I appreciate today. Like the popular slang, "relationship ma tan, eeyan lo ma ku" (relationship will come to an end but people surrounding you will always be there). That's exactly the case here. So, I prioritized some things at the beginning of the relationship and I didn't have a balance.
But God works in wonderful ways, I was surrounded by the best people one could ever have. I didn't always follow their advice (I get coconut head) but they were always there and I'm grateful I have them now. Even those times, I'd have random people just call to check on me and several little gestures that warmed my heart. I'm not a person big on emotions but emotions mean a lot to me too (😂 If you can relate, it'd make perfect sense to you), the littlest of gestures went a long way helping me overcome a lot of negative vibes. Those times, I got closer to people, shared my problems with them and today, I couldn't be happier I did that.
Excerpt from my mobile diary
Another thing I learnt was isolating people from their actions. Sometimes I get so pissed at people and I lose my cool but I'm able to get back with them and still have cool interaction with them. As a believer, love and compassion are fruits of the spirit, yeah. Right now, it's still going easy for me, but so help me God, when the big test comes, I won't flop.
Due to the nature of the relationship I had, I realized people "can be human". They are vulnerable and probably intending good but they make bad decisions all the time. Of course, they realize those are bad decisions and they shouldn't be making them. You can help people, shield them from the environment but not from themselves. That's where the letting go comes in. As human as they can be, if they're not willing to man up and face their problems and overcome their issues, it starts to affect people that surround them. At that point, we'll see in camera bruv✌🏿.
We all make decisions for our lives and dealing with you is your own primary assignment. Distance is only right and healthy in situations like that.
I can imagine how God felt enough to send His son to die for our sins, we can be really exasperating 😂.
In realizing this, I saw possible reasons why people could behave the way they do.
I was thinking to myself one day and made a decision never to be insolent towards anyone older than I am, adults especially and to always treat people, if not with kindness all the time, politeness at least. People go through things. Although wrong, they make most of these decisions to escape from the reality they have to face.
I don't know what you're going through but I won't contribute to the bad day you're having already. I might not be a bright spot but I definitely won't be part of the dark ones you have already. Even the Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. Some people just need the littlest kindness and their day is made. For some people, no matter how kind you are, they remain grumpy. On a more mischievous note, Bible says treat people who are wicked towards you with love, that way it's like you heap coals of fire on their head😂😂. Persistent kindness eventually breaks down their walls.
Handmade journal by yours faithfully
You see, growth is not in one day or two days, it's constant. All the things I've learnt, I've not perfected. Every once in a while, I still talk back at people and I don't feel merry about the past all the time. Sometimes I even resent people. But, I know what not to do in such situations and I caution myself for future purposes. And my journaling, of course, keeps me in check!
If you don't have a journal, you should get one. Not necessarily for daily inputs but time-to-time, you won't regret it I assure you
Thanks ladies, for having me. Feel free to share similar experiences and thoughts in the comments section.
