I can't move. The voices, the hands, they're there, but it's as if I'm falling. They're falling away from me. The pain is there, but the feeling of it recedes.
Can't tell if I'm awake or asleep.
But I can see her face.
My mother's face.
She smiles at me.
"I'll always love you, son."
"I love you too mom."
"It's going to be okay."
"I know."
"Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
The screams are getting quieter now. Further away. Large hands pull me out of the darkness. They give me a hug. Obscure features. Purple eyes. Cold skin. He picks me up to put me down then back up. He is strong and feels hard to push.
Where am I? It doesn't look like the abandoned street that I was brought up on. This is unfamiliar ground.
I see the golden door. It appears to be made of metal and the light is soft. I watch it crumble and fall apart around me. He drags me towards it.
"You'll like it here."
"Where are we going father?"
"You're gonna find out. There's some people you're gonna meet. I'm gonna be around more than I get to be. You better start getting used to it."
"Who are they father?"
"They're your friends. You'll like them."
I run as fast as I can. The corridors are short and dark. I have no idea why any of this is happening. It is completely unfamiliar. I feel like screaming and begging but the hands pull my hair and hold me. He is dragging me to…where?
Footsteps come around a corner and I am grabbed again. They begin to drag me towards a lit room with people inside. I can see my father standing by them. They're all talking to each other but none of them are paying any attention to us.
"What are we doing here daddy?"
"You're gonna meet some people. These are your friends."
"Who are they?"
"These are evil people son."
"But they look like normal people."
"Don't be fooled by human appearances son. Remember that."
"I don't understand daddy."
"You'll understand when you realize it. Remember this." He turns to look at me. "Go to the others first. Find out who your friends are."
"Daddy-"
"Go!"
He pushes me forward. I run with my head down. I can see the light coming from the door in the distance. I can hear my steps echoing.
I can feel the cold of the walls around me. There is little room for movement. It's like running through a hallway. I guess he's built this place like a maze.
I struggle to move faster and step on a sweet spot. The floor rises up and I launch myself. I am airborne. I can see the doorway in the distance. The light grows stronger with my movement. It seems to be coming towards me with every flight.
I can feel the winds tearing my hair and clothes. It seems like a long time to me. I look back. The others are definitely there.
That's what he's counting on.
I can hear my feet against the floor of the room. The sight of the others startles me. Do they know what they're looking at? Do they know what is going on? I feel sad for them.
I can see another door ahead. Its shape blurs in the distance. There is one I don't know. Father said it was time to meet some people. I look back towards the others. They look stupid.
The others die in retrospect.
I keep moving towards the doorway ahead. My feet hit the ground. The ground begins to crumble beneath me. I hear a swishing noise behind me. I know it's not the others walking, it's my father. He is chasing me with a knife in his hand.
The area around me gains focus. The stone walls glow soft white and I can see them clearly.
"I told you I'd always love you."
"I love you too mom." Looking up at her. "You've got a funny way of showing it."
"I'm your mother. That's not a funny way to show it."
"I'm not sure there is a funny way. Or even a good way. But I love you. That's all I know."
"I know that already."
"I didn't make you, you know. You were born. Your own mother wanted nothing to do with you. Can you imagine that?"
"It's easy to believe when you've created everything that you see around you."
"You know what I used to be? I was a merchant."
"That's not what I mean."
"No, I was a very good merchant at least. I used to have a street in a town called Nung Dung in the nation of Galap. I traded there for decades and bought from many different places. I was elated when the golden door was built in my street. I could sense it from the first day it was open. It was always the thing I was waiting for. I promised myself that I'd never ever leave it or allow it to close. I wanted to see everything in it. But then…it was closed and it became secret. It was only open to a select few."
"Why?"
"You've never been in The Dead Room?"
"No."
"I used to have a shop there."
"I don't get it."
"I'd always been seeing signs about it. How it was a place for me to go. It's how my home became the way it is. It's where you can appear to be anything you want."
"You were a merchant."
"Nuh uh. I traded a few things in the store. Nothing serious though. I bought from a few different merchants. I never told anyone what I was doing. I just wanted to see the people of Nung Dung. I just wanted to see people in my store. For all I knew it was just to provide new faces for the store. That was what I had been told. But I wondered if it was the only reason. I wanted to see the people. And I wanted to know why it was closed. You see, I wanted to go there. I always wanted to go there."
"Did you go?"
"Yes. And you know what I found?"
"What?"
"I never told anyone where I was from."
"It was all part of the joke, wasn't it? You and the door to the dead."
"I don't think that makes it funny though. No. The only reason for what I found in that place was me. I was everything that was hidden behind the golden door. I was the secret. I was the truth. So when I saw it, finally, I knew it was why I had been waiting. I was always waiting, you know."
"I've been waiting too."
"Then my answer is that you're lucky. I was never allowed to take a single step into such a place. You can't get much luckier than that. The thing I knew was always closing was so I could come back. But that was always the final thing to wonder about. Was it real? Or was I dreaming? When they shut it down and I was left with nothing, there was only one way to know. I went to that place."
"How?"
"I had a family member who brought me. He told me what to do. You can't do much about dreams. I figured I had my answer. All you can do is keep running and hope that you get to the other side. I was hoping…you know, for something completely different. I just wanted to know who I was. But I can't say you're lucky. I mostly know who I am I guess. If we can do that, then we can be happy. But if we can't, then we're just doomed forever. Which is why I needed to see you. I wanted to make you happy. It's all I ever wanted to do."
"I don't feel that way."
"I know what you're going through."
"I don't think you do. It's completely different."
"You only want to talk about the bad things."
"You're just ignorant."
"So what? I'm not the only one. There are many like me. And I know I can help you. You should know that I'm not the only one. And I know there are others."
"How do you know there are others?"
"I don't know all of them. Father told me. But I know some. Some are in Nung Dung. Some are here. And there are many more all over. There are people who are in love with our bad things. It's why they look so similar. It's why they look at you. It's why they speak evil. It's why they want to see you. They want to see what is real. They want the truth. And they love me for the truth."
"If you're so powerful, show me. I think I want to go home. I think I would like to know what I am."
"You already know what it is. It's you."
"I'm not sure."
"You are."
"Tell me what I am. Please."
She puts her hand on my shoulder and looks into my eyes. I'm not sure if she's used to doing this. I'm not sure I like it. But she keeps at it. I can see the room in the distance growing in size. I can see the door in the distance. I can see the light.
"You are a writer. You are a story. You are a legend. You can do more than just tell stories. You aren't just talking about one person. You are telling the story of the world."
"What do I do?"
"You show them the truth. You show the world the truth. You show them what's real. You show them what's true."
I feel her hand go from my shoulder. I can see the light encroaching closer. I can see the doorway. I can hear him ahead of me.
"Please! Please! I am! I am a writer. I am a story. I am a legend. I am NOTHING!"
