No matter how much I try to uphold logic and consistency, I can't help but notice that my character is filled with holes and inconsistencies.
I've become known among my friends as a conservative. Probably because most other people were anti-conservative, and I've always been interested in the things that others reject. I think Mark Twain was on to something when he said that whenever you find yourself siding with the majority, it's time to sit back and reflect. I've always been skeptical of the idea that were stupid in past centuries, but now that it's the current year, we're enlightened and intelligent and know better. This had lead me to my general skepticism of progressive ideas.
Conservatism has also shown itself to me as an ideology of adults, whereas left wing ideologies have always seemed childish to me; as if they are aimed at kids - people not fully ready to take responsibility for themselves, and therefore require a big government to dress them in bubble wrap in case something bad may happen.
I've found the idea of being free and responsible for myself to be intriguing and fascinating. Almost like an adventure of sorts.
That's not to say I've always made good choices. Quite the contrary, looking at my life, I've probably made more bad choices than I've made good choices. But that's neither here nor there.
I'm not consistent with my ideologies, though. If I were to call myself a conservative, or a libertarian, or an anarchist, or what have you, I'd most likely find a lot of my ideas to not fit within that particular box.
Something interesting that I've noticed about a lot of people is that if someone is, say, worried about the environment and global warming, chances are that he or she is a feminist, for big government, for massive wealth transfers, pro LGBT, pro multiculturalism and pro gay marriage. And so on and so forth. It really is quite often that you can map out an entire person just by knowing one political, or semi-political, stance that he or she happens to have. We are a tribalistic species, obviously, and that's why it's natural for us to seek clubs and boxes to fit ourselves into. And when within that niche, we interact with other people within it, and soak in the world views that are popular among the in group. This then creates an extremely homogeneous atmosphere that breeds like-minded people.
Like many people who are libertarian leaning, I, too, have this thing for logic for logic and consistency. But how deep does it go? Is it just a shallow narrative that I've convinced myself that I follow?
I'm a conservative, yet I'm an atheist, but at the same time I almost feel jealous of those capable of connecting with something higher, be it real or imaginary, that's besides the point. My atheism is not a result of a conscious choice; it is simply the result of my nature that I was born with, one that is skeptical and incapable of ever truly accepting an idea of a God that I can't verify with material means. I've seen people beat addictions and get their lives together and find hope in a belief in God, and sometimes I think I'm missing out, maybe. I don't fit in the atheist scene, nor the conservative club in terms of religion.
I feel individuals are equal, and should be treated based on their actions, yet cultures are not. I can relate better with people in the western culture than I can with people from other cultures. I'm a cultural elitist, yet struggle with the question of how to deal with immigration: do I have the right to have say-so on who is allowed to move to a country? On one hand, it can be seen in statistics that mass immigration causes a lot of problems and fixes few, if any, but on a moral level, where does one draw the line between individuals and a mass? At one point do many individuals become a collective, subject to blanket statements and generalizing?
I dislike the green movement and the people in it, yet I fear for our environment. I'm pro capitalism, but I fear that fierce profit hunting can happen at the expense of the environment. The nature doesn't have feelings, the nature doesn't care, but what people often seem to fail to realize is that people live in it. I don't want to limit people's rights to run their businesses, but I don't want powerful businesses to have the power and the ability to destroy other people's means to survive. I feel that the nonaggression principle is a sound moral philosophy, but I'm not sure if it has the means to deal with the externalities that come with things like pollution. I do, however, recognize that just because I can't think it, doesn't mean that it can't come to be. So, it's possible that a free market model for preventing this can be realized. I don't trust the government, either.
I dislike it when people base their political ideologies purely on feelings, but I don't eat meat because I feel such strong empathy towards animals, and feel that they are not treated well by the meat industry. I have no rational, well thought out reasoning behind my vegetarianism other than the fact that supporting the meat industry makes me feel bad.
I support people's rights to make as much money as possible, and on a rational level, realize that rich people aren't bad. But on a more subconscious level I'm skeptical of rich people by nature. Whenever someone has a lot of money, especially if he likes to show it, my instant thought is that he has done something to scam people. I sometimes dislike this about myself, because rich people are often vilified for no good reason, but when you look at how western corporatism works, I think a lot of my fellow libertarians are kidding themselves when they say that whenever someone is ultra wealthy, it only means that he has provided honest goods and services to other people, thus only creating prosperity. I hate money, but I want lots of it.
I enjoyed people in the politically correct movement get what was coming to them as Trump was elected president, and got enjoyment out of rubbing it in people's faces. Then I was talked to by a friend who was saddened by the fact and legitimately felt bad. A part of me wanted to say that she has to get herself together and "screw your feelings", but another part of me started to feel guilty for stooping to a level of a schoolyard bully, who finds enjoyment out of the misfortunes of others. I've long since seen charades as being the political end game. It's not so much about politics anymore, per se, it's about entertainment, it's about bullying the other camp. Politicians and candidates are merely avatars to which people project their personal frustrations, and then hope for their avatar to succeed because it will annoy their enemies. I dislike this, but still take part in this, to a degree. This then leads me to dislike myself.
I admire hard work, but hate doing it myself. I dislike lazy people, but if I didn't have a dog, I'd lie in bed all day on my day offs. I always enjoy having written stuff, but I hate actually writing it. I'd love to make a living writing, because it would allow me to support myself without leaving the house, but I would hate every minute of doing it. My dream is to have done hard work in the past that would allow me to live off of interest while lying on a beach. The problem is getting there.
I dislike the ideology of progress for the sake of progress, and often wish I had Emmett Brown's DeLorean that could take me 1885, but there are days I wish mankind could conquer the galaxy and seek out living in other planets. I also love cryptocurrencies and innovative platforms like Steemit.
I'd like for people to live in peace while singing kumbayaa, but I know too much about people's dark side.
I love it when people call me intelligent, but I also hate it, because I don't believe it, and I'm even intimidated by people more intelligent than me. I'm not sure whether I'm actually intelligent, or just somewhat adequate at faking it, by copying actually intelligent people. Then when my own thoughts clash with the thoughts of the very intelligent, I'm at a crisis, because I fear that what I feel is true is the result of my own lacking intelligence, and that the people of higher intelligence are capable of seeing things at a level I'm not. This leads to me making lists like this.
I dislike stupid people who waste hours per day watching mindless programming on TV, but I'm avid fan of pro wrestling, with all of its silliness, which makes me a giant hypocrite. Still don't own a TV, though.
I love the free market, but hate advertising. I can't help but feel uneasy about the idea that people are hired at a high pay to conduct studies that result in commercials designed to manipulate people into believing that they have needs that they don't necessarily really have. At the same time I realize that everything is subjective and most needs are "fake" anyway.
Continuing with the theme, I dislike feminism and the thin shaming culture that it has brought with it, but hate the modeling and fashion industry. My late girlfriend worked as a model, and I saw up close and personal how a lot of young girls were treated by the industry, and once you've spent years trying to convince someone that you love that there's no need for her to be underweight to gain the acceptance of some fashion industry jerk offs who haven't been in touch with reality in years, you grow to hate the fact that a multi-billion-dollar industry has been built around the fact that people feel bad about themselves, and it needs ways to continue making them feel about bad about themselves. This also goes for things like car commercials for men. If people stopped feeling bad about their lives tomorrow, a ton of businesses would go belly up, leading to mass unemployment. I can't be the only one who sees something wrong with that picture. Yes, people are free to feel and consume whatever they want, and people are free to take advantage of people's insecurities by offering products that make them feel better, but the idea that people are getting rich off of other people's self hate is troubling to me sometimes.
I love how competition makes things better, but I'm not a competitive person at all, and generally dislike how we are in competition with each other all the time. I'd love to be a winner, though.
And that's not even scratching the surface.
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't even really know what my beliefs are. I'd also like to think that I'm in no way unique, and a lot of people have these inconsistencies in their beliefs, we just rarely sit down and look at them. I'd like to think that there's no reason to hang ourselves with a set political ideology or philosophy. Perhaps the world is way more complex, with near endless nuances, than a simple, one sentence, one size fits all solution to all moral dilemmes.
What am I, then? A conservative, a liberal? A capitalist, a hippie?
@schattenjaeger