KAYAK DOWN THE DRIVEWAY

Dude. This weekend was rough.

My husband is kind of a big deal in environmental circles. We were supposed to go to central Lousiana this past weekend in order for him to be a part of this big gathering of naturalist-type big-wigs... its all very fancy.

The plan was for him to drive down Friday noon-ish while I stayed behind to finish working that evening. I would then go back home, feed the animals, gather my various bags of (mostly unnecessary) junk that I haul around with me when I travel, and then drive down in my car Friday night. We would stay there Friday night, Saturday night, and caravan home Sunday afternoon.

Flash back to several weeks ago. My boss (more like a client really) started me on a very important HIGHLY STRESSFUL project that should have been over by now but is such a convoluted situation that it keeps dragging on longer and longer. Much of the project has to do with technology and as my boss/client is an elderly gentleman with a short temper he has actually been doing a very good job of maintaining his composure in the face of what is, from his perspective, mysticism and witchery of the most bewildering sort. Friday his nerves had finally had enough...he LOST it at me.

LOST. IT.

Sir was yelling and fussing and carrying on. He would ask me multiple questions and then talk over me every time I opened my mouth to answer. It was a bad scene. I was pretty done. Nearly quit. BYE. SEE YOU NEVER. Done. I have multiple health problems and a panic disorder and I don't handle these types of situations well. I use a service dog everywhere I go to help me cope with just regular old life. Kismet plantation.jpg
(Photo by Juhree Taylor) This was not normal stress for me, this was stress of epic proportions. The fact that I didn't leave is pretty impressive actually.

Bear in mind before you judge him too harshly that he was in a blind panic because this very important project had just been derailed for the eleventy-jillionth time. I was the only one there for his rage to fly at.

Never-the-less this went on for nearly an hour before he realized I was about to leave and he locked himself in his office...away from me.

So by the time I left work Friday evening I was teetering on the edge of sanity.

Did I mention the hurricane? There was a hurricane. Like....just....... SUDDENLY HURRICANE. When I left the house that afternoon it was a moderately bad rain storm, two hours later as I was driving home it was a full blown hurricane.

My husband and I run an animal rescue/wildlife rehabilitation center/conservation organization called L.E.A.R.N. (See my introduction post here: https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@savage2288/hey-y-all-i-used-to-live-in-a-school-bus-am-ungovernable-and-have-3-tortoises-living-in-my-bathroom-right-now ) We have all manner of animals in our care...dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, a pig, and horses. Remember the horses...they will come in to play shortly.

L.E.A.R.N. and our home are housed on eleven acres with a very small pond up near the road. The driveway is a quarter of a mile long. I swear this all ties in together.

So, I am pulling down my driveway in the pitch dark, 40 degree freezing, hurricane with my service dog in the passenger seat, thankful to be home, and praising Jesus that I didn't just murder an old man or quit my job when all of a sudden I am forced to slam on my brakes to avoid running headlong into an indefinable BODY OF WATER.

THIS GULF WAS NOT HERE WHEN I LEFT HOME TWO HOURS AGO. WTF?!

So I did what any reasonable person of my mindset in those particular circumstances might do...I burst into tears and called my husband.

My husband who was three hours away and could not help me. My husband who is NORMALLY damn near a genius.
My husband suggested I drive on though the water to the house because "It's probably not very deep".

I considered it.

I was worn out from stress, my back hurt, I was cold and crying and in a hurry to get on the road because it was late and I still had to drive three hours before I could rest. So I considered driving my 2015 Camaro through an undetermined depth of water, in the dark, way the hell out in the country where it takes tow trucks two years to come and rescue you. As I put my hand on the gear shift Jesus smacked me upside my head and said "DON'T DO THAT ARE YOU CRAZY???"

Jesus loves me.

So I got out of my (extremely low riding) little car in my flip-flops with my flashlight and I went to investigate how deep the water blocking my way actually was. It was deep. Too deep for the car. Dammit.

Now my feet and the lower half of my pants legs were soaked and I was EXTRA FREEZING COLD. I trudged back to my little car and explained to my service dog we were going to have to WALK through the nasty freezing water to get to the house. She was not pleased. She is, however, a trouper so she got out and followed me.

It didn't take long before I realized I had misjudged just how deep this awful water was. My dog suddenly realized she couldn't tell where she was supposed to be swimming to and panicked, inhaling the nasty water. She sputtered and started paddling back the way we had come. I followed her and realized she would NOT go back in the water to try swimming again....SO I HAD TO PUT A SOAKING WET, MUDDY DOG INSIDE MY NICE CAR and trudge through this water ALONE. In the dark. Also, remember, I live in rural Louisiana and we have LOTS of snakes not to mention earlier this year a small (4 foot) alligator had taken up residence in this very pond.
(Here is a picture my husband took of him several months ago) frank the gator.jpg

I put the dog safely in the car, had another good cry, and waded back into the dark water alone. At its deepest it came up to my waist. Praise Jesus nothing touched me or bit me and I managed not to have a panic attack or pass out.

After emerging unscathed from the other side I wearily made my way the last eighth of a mile to my house only to realize my house key was in the car....on the far side of the flood that used to be my cute little pond. More crying.

I then (after lots of dejected tears and a fair amount of snot) remembered that the back door was unlocked because it was inside our dog pen and the other dogs would keep people from getting in that way. So I made my way around to the back of the house where the dog pen and the barn are.

Remember I said I have horses? Also, remember I said I was wearing flip-flops? I had to slog through the barnyard to reach the dog pen to get to the back door. The barnyard was ankle deep mud mixed heavily with horse manure. FLIP FLOPS. Oh God it was awful. But I did it. To quote my hero Rhian's beloved grandmother: "Worse things happen at sea."

I was finally inside. Filthy, covered in manure, dripping wet, downtrodden, and exhausted...but inside my house.

I then had to go back and rescue my service dog.

I quickly changed into a warm sweatshirt and some bathing suit bottoms and set about gathering myself to venture back into the storm and face all that filthy water again. I went outside and located my kayak and paddle but I needed to carry the 40 pound kayak 1/8th of a mile back to this side of the flood water and my back was killing me. I don't kayak very often so I don't have all of the fancy gear that some people have...like those nice wheels that let you easily roll the kayak along behind you across land.

But I do have a baby buggy. Not because I have a baby...I have it for my dog because sometimes when we have to walk all day (like if we go on vacation) it is helpful for me to have a place to keep my purse and a drink without having to carry them AND hang on to a leash. So I have one of those nice, 3 wheeled, sport jogger baby buggies that has a nice big storage compartment and cup holders and I just push the dog and all of my gear along in front of me. It sounds really strange but when you have health issues you learn to do what works and not worry about what you look like.

So there I was...half naked, in the dark freezing cold, in the middle of a hurricane, with a flashlight between my teeth, wheeling a kayak perched precariously on top of a baby buggy down my muddy driveway. You can't make this stuff up.

I managed to get the kayak to the water, get it launched, and started paddling my way back across the flood toward my car. Upon reaching the other side it occurred to me that, if at all possible, I should really be filming SOME PORTION of this escapade.

LANGUAGE WARNING
I am quite the angry redneck in these videos.

Unfortunately, in this 3rd video I was not paying attention (because I was wet and cold and icky) and I turned the camera the wrong way so the last few seconds of the video are upside down....whoops.

Once I managed to get myself, my dog, and my purse back to my house I was in A LOT of pain. Pain like WHOA. But both of us were COVERED in mud and horse manure and...other equally distasteful things. So I still had to wash the dog and take a shower before I could even relax.