Bud: I'm driving today.
Me: Forget it. You don't have a license.
Bud: Neither do half the people in town.
Me: You never use turn signals.
Bud: Nobody does around here ... I'd be stopped if I did.
Me: You're practically blind.
Bud: And that makes me different from how many seniors, short people and stoners on the road?
Me: You can't reach the brakes. You can't change lanes. You're a menace to cyclists.
Bud: See? A model Miami driver.
Me: Keys are in the ignition. Just make sure the tank's full when you get back.
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From @sararmullis