How many of you have taken the Myers-Briggs personality test?
I did, and it was decided that out of 16 acronyms, I fall under the category of INTP.
For those of you who don't know, INTP stands for Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, Perception. I am in the third percentile of the entire earth (tested) personality wise. That means that out of everyone who's ever subjugated themselves to these tests, only 3% of us are INTPs. (Coincidentally, growing up I was in the 3rd percentile for height too; but that's completely unrelated)
While reading up on my "personality type" a couple things have become clear to me:
- I am NOT living up to my potential. Some famous INTPs include Socrates, Einstein, Darwin, Abe Lincoln, so on and so forth... Yet here I am, The single parent of 3 kids who recently quit her bartending job....
- This is why I've felt alone my entire life! It was never easy for me to make friends. I'm socially awkward and say the weirdest shit to people. I can count on one hand how many people from my childhood I've kept in contact with. Hell, I can count on one hand how many social interactions I have (on purpose) per month!
Relationships have always been a sore spot for me, whether friendships or romantically. Mainly trying to find someone capable of dealing with me swinging between a lack of emotion and an overabundance. I am self-centered but thoughtful; detached yet passionate, greedy and giving.... I'm confusing! How can I expect to find a partner who's willing and able to be both dominate AND submissive; and most importantly knows when to assert which. I give myself about a 3% chance of finding that guy before I'm dead lol :')
Now, having read all about my specific personality type, you'd think I could find ways to make changes to the way I interact with others. I've even made lists and diagrams to show myself the traits I'd like to improve and the ones I'd like to weed out. Most days I go to bed intending to be a different person in the morning; yet I wake up as me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Frustrating, I know.
How can I convince others to 'like' me if I don't even like myself half the time?
The simple fact is I can't. I cannot change the way others perceive me and I shouldn't want to. The only humans on this planet whose opinions truly matter to me are my children's. If they can love me just as I am then so can I.
If you've read this far I've gotta give you props, because I really don't know what my intention was with this post. I just started writing and this is what I landed on. It's currently 3AM and I am sure when I read this in the morning my fresh and rested brain is going to have a buttload of critiques on the how and why of this post, but for now I think I'm done.
Thank you for reading!!!