We have just swived with each other.
The 18 degree Celcius frost emissed from the old air-conditioner, his warm body temperature swiped of my skin, while his heart was somewhere on the other side of the bed. He hasn’t fallen asleep yet. I do know. Night by night he is always clawed by those shady objects wanting to lure him falling into their world, a stinky and withering one, posterior to the insanely desperate lovemaking of us. His back sided front of me, quietly quiverring.
I repeated the thing I had always done.
Moving a bit forwards hugging him over from behind, my figure nestled closely to his. Our complexion contacted in a steamy feeling.
“Goodnight, honey.” I said.
He remained silent, as he usually did. I was the same after that statement. To reflect, I wonder why I did’t cover the blanket for both? Since I was also chilled to the bone at the time. His hair was a bit longer than ordinary, the fresh scent from it seemed to freeze the atmosphere around me. Lower my eyelid, I smooched on his nape, the vulnerable nape.
“May we one more time?” He whispered.
“… What?” I uppered my unclosed eyelashes.
He turned over placing me under his shape, the decrepit and threadbare physique. Those dark brown pupils fermented, with my wrists uptight in his veiny hands. His jaw clenched, I was in thought of his effort to swallow some of the utterly bitter abomination. His pharynx went up and down, his voice was up in the as gentle as possible way.
“I want it one more time.”
It wasn’t hard to see sweat falling on his body, torrid breath when he glanced at me. I saw nothing but the ruins at the edge of his looks, he was broken, he was collapsing,
he was in my arms.
“Yes.” As I remember, I didn’t give any blink while staring at that countenance of him, I was captivated, trying to carve all the remnants in him, and also things that had left him pined away, everything into my senses.
Laying his head on my shoulders, the pale lips caressed my neck. He sucked my mamilla painfully, he was still clumsy even though we had been in intercourse for tens of time. Delicate fingers sneaked down my lower, touching, fondling, moist. He started it fast and strongly without notifying me. He cried. His moan escaped meanwhile his hips couldn’t help thrusting inside me, his cheeks were covered with tears, red icy eyes, trembling shadow. He was but a chaotic mess coiling over me, lustful but emotionless, vehement but whining,
overflowingly.
“… I… love you.” He groaned in a broken tone, and his figure crumbled on mine.
For a long moment passed, his respiratory got back to normal pace, he fell slept. But those eye-drops continued burning on my chest, sobbing this embarrassing heart beats, of the person he had just confessed to,
the second time he has ever said he love me. And I am no longer able to keep him along.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
He told me to come in a twilight, the fragile glory slowly sunk into the pinky peach cloudy ocean, which would turn to violet tone when the last sundrops of the day faded completely, and the cloud strings would eventually fly away to give the firmament back to the metropolis’ secluded night. Looking down from that upon, streets were hustling and bustling, the neon light blurred inside my eyes, the constant cars rows, the crowded highways. The place where I was standing, blast breezed one by one until my depths were numbed and my throat was sored.
“Now?” Asked me.
“Yeah” He was impassible. “Don’t worry, I have prepared it all. When it’s over, just scream loudly and tell the cop that you went here for the chill and suddenly came across this. Simple, “ His speech was left without completion, then got blown along with a wandering wind.
“I got it.” I mumbled, but my taste was sour and strangely choked.
“…” He looked at me so long that he got something to tell, but just a slight smile. “You are weird.” Catching my questioning stare, he kept going. “Your sweetheart is gonna die, but your expression is still that calm.”
“Even if I cry, you wouldn’t ever stay?!” He didn’t know anything, I had made up my mind that this relationship would at last absorb into the sea with ashes, since he would leave this world in the obsession which had attached to him for a long while, sooner or later is just a time matter.
“…” He chose silence again, he couldn’t oppose to the too right stuffs I had said. “Thank you honey, for trying to help me.”
He was exaggerated. He was silly. He loved me. I love him. We were such a couple of wild grabbing each other in the middle of the lonesome night. He would die of the muzzle of the devilish venator. I would stand there watching him falling into the chasmic abyss. That was us. That was the nature of our relationship. That was love,
or not?
“Yes.” In short. I wanted to speak out more, but exhausted. He would go anyway.
“Will you be alright?” Another foolish question.
“Maybe, I hope so. You didn’t give me any choices.” I giggled, acted like it was a joke, honestly I had no choices but watching him, then move on with my own life. “You will still live on in my memory.” The scrawny flesh, messy hair, bleached skin, rosy canthus, I will remember them, Although just later, they will somehow vanish away as the time flies. “At least one more year, I promise.” Joked.
“No matter how long it is, I don’t really care. I am just afraid that your warmth would cool down when I reach the beyond side. The cold doesn’t frighten me, but also I want to recur that amourous feeling.” He kept smiling. I couldn’t distinguish what the sentiment was there in my heart, grief, empty, impotent? I didn’t know. I just saw his mouth blooming. In the flickering shine of the semidarkness.
“Have fun baby.” I grinned in response. A ridiculous simper.
“As you came, I am happy.” He took of his shoes while talking. Putting his phone on the edge of the wall, placing it above his torn-out jacket, his movements were gradual, and certain. The time is coming.
I observed him again as we were in our last sex. He was different from then, more confident, more blooming. He even didn’t shed a tear for his own passing-away. It made sense as well. No one else but him insisted it on happening. Being captured in my tattered flow of thought, he was standing straightly on the balcony since when which startled me a bit. No reminders, no messages, no love confession for the last, no more tight hold in each other. He appointed me simply for a farewell. The only one to whom he said goodbye. The first touch, the nape kiss mark, small confidences after some of the copulations, they seemed not to be so meaningless to him as I felt afraid at first.
“I’ll go no-“ Undone yet, the balcony was then only me and myself. Breeze unstoppably blew over my hair and the jacket he left behind. 1 second, 2 second, 3 second.
With all the strength, I bursted out scream frighteningly, meanwhile the ground beneath sounded few screech. He was gone. I screamed. About 30 seconds later, 4 persons kicked our the door, I fell to my knees, tears overflew. I followed what he said, up here for chilling and come across with his jumping scene. Towering 40th floor. I cried, acted like I was panicked and mentally hurt. Finishing the interrogation for 45 minutes, I was permitted to leave with the relaxation note of the policeman. They wrapped him with the blance fabric on the stretcher, his face was unseen. But the street surface was tainted with his rouge blood which drenched the whole stretcher.
The mob was mumbling, gossiping. But no one noticed me walking to the other side of the road.
“What? The call diary is empty and so is the social accounts?”
Thanks for reading.
P/s: This painting was also created by me
