Two weeks ago, my girlfriend of two-and-a-half years ended our relationship. I couldn't believe it. I'm still trying to accept it. The reasons she kicked me out of our home were all completely valid. She felt like I was taking more than I was giving in all things: money, housework, love, time, sex. Which I finally realize was true. Also, I need lots of alone time and she resented me for that always, and then I resented her for resenting me. An incredible cyclical illness.
In these two weeks I have chosen to make her life absolute Hell. Texting, calling, or actually showing up daily. I kept feeling like we just needed to talk, or I was so broken and she was the only person I had to talk to. But, what she originally realized, and I just now realize, is that I have been trying to use our conversations to make myself feel better through getting satisfaction through an accepted apology, getting assurance that we can still be friends, we still love each other, etc. Then once she would stop responding because she's trying to stop putting energy into me (rightfully so) I would get angry and start saying hateful things, and tell her how to live her life, and ask selfish questions about our future. This all just made it harder for her, which is embarrassingly what I wanted.
I have to stop all this and allow the space between us if I have any hope of us being friends again. Unfortunately, she had to block me from all forms of communication and social media for me to see this. Last night I received her final message. It was from a locked Facebook account that she had to create in order to tell me one last goodbye and insure I could say nothing to hurt her in reply.
I can't believe how much I have failed to practice what I preach, which is being in service to others and always having their experience at heart. I have been completely enveloped in my own experience and worldview for my entire life and I thank the Creator for this terrible situation that has opened my eyes to myself. Alone time and introspection/meditation is all that is necessary now. The things that I should've changed for her need to be changed for me and I need to become truly happy about myself before I can jump into another relationship and repeat this terrible pattern.
This post was accidentally generated originally with other content, so I wanted to make a new one out of it and this is just what is on my mind today. Reply with any life advice you may have:)
