The year is 2035, my name is Arzival. The Steemasis is where everyone comes to escape the daily grind by shilling, bullshitting, worshipping the very ground whales walk upon, and generally pissing in each other’s pockets. Dan Larimer died many years ago in a tragic but suspicious accident involving a pack of image stylists high on bath salts and an autonomous colonic irrigation drone. Now, Ned Scott has passed away into the ether as well, leaving behind a quest to find the ultimate Easter egg, in the form of the the Hairbrush of Power, that gives ownership of his massive stockpile of Steem Power, as well as a control of Steemit.inc.
Somewhere, hidden in the blockchain, are three keys that will unlock the hairbrush that created Ned’s perfect hair, enabling him to bring about our glorious golden age of unwaged precarious corporate neo-feudalism, I mean glorious minarchic freedom where poor people absolutely don’t starve in the street and selling a kidney to pay the rent is soooooo voluntary. Don’t flag me bro - I love cryptos, because clearly blockchain technology has solved all the world’s problems. Give me a ‘B’, give me an ‘L’.....No cheer for blockchains? Well fuck you guys! I know what you did in the great upvote riots of 2019 - I still have that picture, see:
Anyway, there’s these three keys...Or was the three deathly cryptos? Um, maybe it was the three decoder rings that unlock the one quantum decoder to rule them all. I’m not sure - I have trouble keeping track of what’s real since I sold my pineal gland to the lovechild of Chelsea Clinton and Joe Rogan to pay for enough bandwidth to post this message to the blockchain. Can someone tell me, are hobbits real, and did I ever kill a robot sent back from the future to kill me?
Where was I? The keys - whatever the hell they are - there’s three of them, and we need to get to them before arch-bad guy Bernays Panders finds them and brings about fully automated luxury space steemianism for all minnows, plankton and borderline-life prion-level account-holders.
Yeah, wouldn’t want that. I mean, who needs both kidneys, the ability to not sell your children into indentured servitude, and working long-term memory…
Fuck this, let’s finds those keys and help Bernays seize the memes of production! We have nothing to lose but our blockchains! I can’t do this myself though, and nominate the zombie-wrangler 
