My friend once called me “the most relaxed person in the world”. He said that because he'd never seen me offended, let alone angry.
In the past, whenever someone asked me how, I was always confused. "Ehm, because my childhood was harsh?" Or, "Yeah, just adjust the emotions bosque... I'm not sure how to explain it."
Now, I can answer it easily. One word is enough: Stoicism.
If you are looking for peace of mind, study Stoicism. The habits of complaining, anger, emotion, worrying too much, and being easily offended will disappear from your life if you seriously study this philosophy that is more than 2000 years old. Fortunately, you don't have to read dozens of ancient books to understand this philosophy. Just read one book. The title is Teras Philosophy by Henry Manampiring.
These are 6 valuable lessons that I got from the book, which can make you calm when facing life's problems.
Ask Yourself: Is it Up to You?
There are only two things in life: those we can control and those we can't. Rain, traffic jams, friends who talk a lot, emotional girlfriends, and netizen comments, we can't control everything.
All we can control are our own thoughts, opinions, words, perceptions and actions. Don't waste your energy getting angry at the things you can't change. Focus on what can be changed.
The Power of Human Perception
Negative emotions arise from negative perceptions. Disconnected by boyfriend, for example. Everyone would agree that this is negative. Negative because events like this make us cry in sadness. From one point of view, true. But from another point of view?
Breaking up means having more time for hobbies. Breaking up means getting out of a toxic relationship. The good or bad of an incident depends on perception. And more importantly: conditions can't necessarily be changed, but perceptions can be changed right now.
Premeditatio Malorum
Or in simpler language: think of the worst scenario. Bad things that happen to us will be more painful if we never imagine them. For example, the road near the house that is usually smooth suddenly jammed.
It's a different story if the road is always jammed. We weren't surprised, and we weren't disappointed at all. In fact, we take it easy. Always think about the worst case scenario that can happen to us so as not to be disappointed when the misfortune actually happens.
Don't Be Complicated
Full thesis with revisions? Yes, just change. Bosses don't like our work? Yes, all you have to do is make it even better. Complaining or getting angry doesn't solve any problems, it just makes the mood worse.
Most of the problems we face in life are actually trivial. We don't have to think hard to find a solution. And often, the solution can be done without complaining at all. Life is simple, don't make it complicated.
Amor Fati
That is, love of fate or love fate. If we are in good condition, of course it is very easy to love life. In bad condition? More difficult for sure. But... life is too beautiful not to be loved, enjoyed, even with all its ugliness.
As Nitzsche said, “...that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary ...but love it.” Don't hate life. Love it.
Memento Mori
Remember death. If tonight we die, are we proud of the harsh words we gave to our parents this morning? Are we proud of a life filled with anger and hatred?
Remembering death means remembering how precious time we have. Remembering death will make us more careful in what we say and do. Just as Marcus Aurelius said 2000 years ago:
“You can leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
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