And there is this group of memories that we never leave. However long it may take, they remain in our brains silent until the slightest hint of an experience reminds them of their presence.
This is one of my memories. It seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen at the time. I am now able to laugh a bit, but the lesson I learned in the process is something I will never forget.
It occurred when I was in my second schooling years. I was not a rowdy student, neither was I unnoticed. I preferred to do my best and I was really interested in the way I was perceived by people.
The day in question began just like any other day. I got up very early, dressed in my uniform, took my books and went out of the house confidently. I recall that I felt my stomach not right, and I did not pay attention to it. I said it was mere school stress.
At the morning assembly, the principal informed us that we will be given some students who will be called out to receive special attention. My heart began to beat quick. I was even impressed that my name would be called since I had performed well in a given test recently. As soon as my name was mentioned, I became proud. I stepped on, fainting to be quite composed, but feeling elated within.
Then it happened.
When I was standing before the entire school, the microphone was given to me, and I was requested to make few words. As soon as I opened my mouth my head went all blank. I stimulated nothing I wished to say. My hands started shaking. The silence felt so loud. I could hear whispers. I could feel eyes on me. I wanted to be really swallowed by the ground.
To add insult to an injury, some one at the back had laughed. Something within me was broken by that little laugh. My face felt hot. I blabbered, uttered nonsense, and ran back to the spot immediately. The walk backwards seemed much longer than the walk forward. I sat back, looking at the floor to ensure that no one looked at me anymore.
Small all the day long I felt. I continued re-running the incident in my mind. Why not get myself better ready? why did I venture forward at all? I was embarrassing, ashamed and disappointed with myself. I believed that everybody will never forget that moment. I believed that is how people will always perceive me.
However, there was something unexpected following school. Someone in my grade approached me and informed me that it happens with everyone. The other one replied, at least you had the courage to go there. Even a teacher later informed me that confidence comes out through practice and that making mistakes is all part of learning.
Those words did not remove the embarrassment at that moment but they planted a seed in my heart. However, over time, I understood something. That moment did not define me. It did not stop my life. Sooner than I supposed people had passed.
The world did not end. I had not ceased to be me, to continue learning, and developing. That humiliating experience turned into a mirror that reflected on me the fact that I was afraid but it reflected on me the fact that I was not afraid.
Now, I am grateful that I had that day. It taught me humility. It made me learn that failure is not to be evaded. It made me realize that confidence is not something bestowed. I got to know that it is normal to be human, to commit errors before others, and get back up.
Had I been able to tell my younger self at that time, I would say, Breathe. This is not the end. You will tell me this one day and smile. And there I am doing it now.
We all have moments like this. Moments that make us cringe. Memories that we would rather forget. However, sometimes, it is these moments that make us, even more so than our greatest experiences. They are teaching us that sometimes we need to grow out of our comfort zone.
So that is my shameful experience. I still remember it clearly. I still have the slightest pinch when I consider it. Yet more than this I am thankful. Since it was a lesson that no textbook would teach me: it is not never falling: it is learning how to rise, when everybody is looking.
