One of the undoings of relationship is the feeling of inadequacy which arises from placing someone else's standards as a yardstick in your own relationships. Most times, what we see in the relationships of others are the things they want us to see, which may be their areas of strengths. Now the question is; what about their areas of weaknesses? Or do you think that their relationship has achieved perfection?
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When you compare the visible areas of strength of someone's relationship to your areas of weakness, you will only succeed in putting both yourself and your partner into undue stress. It is not every procedure and format that worked for someone's relationship that you will expect to work for you, you have to figure out what will work for you and stick to it.
For relationship to work, it is required that the parties involved should work it out themselves and take responsibilities both individually and collectively. The relationship you envy did not fall from heaven, they also had to put in work in theirs even at the point where it seemed to be rough, so why not put in work on your own?
What makes people easily disappointed in relationship is the expectation of perfection and when it is not forthcoming, they will lose interest in the relationship. Well, you need to realize that, just like you, your partner is not perfect and they are not without flaws. When you understand this, you will lower your expectations and work with them towards becoming better.
When you always compare your weak points with someone else's highscore and their strengths, you will not improve on your weakness. What you should be more concerned about is not to become like someone else nor to beat their strengths but to improve on yourself. If you beat someone's record but you have not beaten your own record, then you have not improved.
Just like everyone is different, relationships should also differ in approach and what applies to one should not be made a standard for others. When you understand this, you will focus more on building your own and not being a spectator to other people's relationships.
Image from Pixabay
Every time you set others as standards and you move to become like them, the best you can come up with is a second version of that person and not the original. In the same way, when you lose focus from your own relationship to focus on others, your originality may be lost. One thing you should always have in mind is that the success or failure of your relationship is a result of the responsibilities you take or do not take.
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