A Mother's Untold Story: Boundless and Unwavering Love

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Hello everyone of this community! How was your day with your kids? I hope you are all doing well. I’m here again with another blog to share. Honestly, I wasn’t doing fine these past few days, So I’m just writing here just to vent out what I’m feeling right now. This platform truly helps me think and at the same time I can relax myself whenever I’m writing something.

I was bombarded with so many thoughts right now, that’s why I’m battling against with my emotions. These past few days, I always losing my patience to my kids, it was their years that they are really full of energy. Like even if it was already evening, they are still full of energy. I can’t catch up with them sometime, so I just let them do what they want. There is no day that they won’t fight because of some stuffs like they fight about one toy. I was being stressed by it and I think I’m failing as a mother on how to discipline them, I don’t want to discipline them by means of hitting them, I don’t want them to experience that so I’m trying my best to become a gentle mother but sometimes I really lose my patience. Just like yesterday, when I’m doing some chores and I thought they were just busy playing and I hear my youngest scream just to find out he was hit by his brother on his head. I run immediately to my youngest and his head has a little scratch. “What did you do?” I shouted at my eldest. I kissed and hug him saying it will be alright, meanwhile my eldest son is about to cry also, I was guilty for shouting at him because I panicked as soon as I saw the scratch on my youngest son forehead, that’s why I hug him immediately and afterwards when they are already calm. I came to my eldest and told him that what he did was not good, and it made me sad. After that, he says sorry to me, I told him to kiss his brother also.

That was just one of their every day routine. They will fight then afterwards everything is okay again as if nothing happened but I was still stressed because of that every day scenario.

When they are already sleeping, I was always guilty whenever I saw them sleeping soundly, they were just an innocent kid exploring the world, So I was crying every time I’m losing my patience. I always pray to God to forgive me, there were also a time I’m praying, and I asked God if I deserved to become a mother, because I think I’m not being good to my kids. I feel sorry for them because they deserved to be loved and that they are a precious gift from God.

My mother would also tell me to become more patient to them, because sooner or later they will not be a little kid anymore. My mom would also tell that it’s normal that kids are messy and they are still exploring and my duty as a mom is to teach them what’s wrong and right. I was pressured and frustrated sometimes because I really tend to lose my patience.

My love for my kids is boundless and unwavering, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the constant demands on taking care of them, balancing household chores, our business and the list goes on. I admit, I’m exhausted the whole day both physically and emotionally because I can’t sleep well at night, I was haunted by my thoughts these days. I was haunted by my “what-ifs”. What if I just chose my career over my children? What if I didn’t start a family and just pursue my dreams first?

When I was bombarded by those thoughts, I would just stare at my children and when I see the smile on their faces, I would feel guilty about those thoughts and realize how blessed I am to have a children like them.

I admit I was losing my patience but I know this was just a test of life, and I will hold on for my children. To give them the love they deserved and to protect them no matter what happens. My life as mother with two energetic kids, it’s not always blissful but they are my ray of sunshine every time I’m about to give up.

That’s all for today my dear Hiver friends. I’m open to any suggestions for parenting tips. I’m still learning and would love to hear from you, my friends.

Sincerely, @saijan19